Venting How do you distract yourself from suicidal urge other than drinking or gaming?

[PhilipBrush]

OK, before we start...
This is gonna be venting more than just a question so I picked that as my prefix. It will certainly get boring so bear that in mind.....
And I'm not a native speaker so please excuse my lack of expression and grammar errors.

Let's get down to it.....



I used to distract myself by drawing a lot. Like my own comics or fanwork of shows I like.
And also played online video games constantly, because that was the only way I can communicate with people and stay relevant since I had no friends who I can actually hang out face to face.

After years of excessive gaming and drawing, my right arm developed severe tennis elbow and it reached a point where my physical pain overcome emotional pain.

I went to more than a dozen doctor's offices and spend tons of money on therapy but it was too late. My right arm and fingers have been damaged too much and far beyond from coming back. Doctors said there's nothing they can do if my body doesn't heal itself. Now I am paying the price of neglected my problem. I no longer cannot grab a pen or use a mouse. Every time I try to grab something more than 20 seconds the pain lingers on my arm so bad like it's trying to remind me of my past mistake. My left wrist is starting to give up because it's doing all the chores.


Things that used to give me joy and help me carry my life now only give me pain.
I am lost and don't know what to do.


I never worked out before and spent my entire life sitting in front of the desk studying, drawing, and gaming. I am underweighted and physically very weak. I tried outdoor activity a few times, but every time I did that it ended up horribly by hurting other parts of my body.

I sprained my ankle badly, twice, when I tried jogging and hiking. It didn't heal well. Now just by doing grocery shop, my foot starts to get hurt.
I tried to learn swim one day, and it wasn't so bad until I hurt my left tricep and had to quit, now I also have a pain every time I lift my left arm above my shoulder.

I'm in my late 20 and all I can manage is rehabilitation exercise like goddamn 60 years old lady...


I seriously don't know what to do now. There's not much option when your body is fucked up like this and barely making life relying on unemployment checks.
I do read books and watch Netflix but it gets boring very quickly. I can only focus on matters when I have a chance to participate and get creative.

I tried drinking, but it made my stomach hurt so much I had to quit.
I wish I could do drugs but I'm living in a drug-free country...


Or maybe it's about time, you know? I've been procrastinating long enough. I'm broke, can't properly work anymore and don't have any real friends. My dad died a long time ago and I am in bad terms with the rest of my family I haven't seen them in years... No one cares for me and I don't even care about myself. Maybe I should stop struggling.


I almost forgot I was looking for suggestions.. so... If you're in a similar circumstance like me, please share your story and tell me how do you distract yourself from all this misery and depression. Or just kind consolations are fine.

 

[nitrogen]

I call dibs on the first response to this new member's first post! . Welcome, @PhilipBrush

I distract myself from suicidal urges by self-indulgence: eat whatever I want, binge watch shows, take long naps & baths, spend a lot of time in nature, go on meditation retreats in national parks, etc - basically things that trigger dopamine rush (however small trickle that may be) that makes my existence as tolerable as possible. Nothing will add meaning to my life as my severe existential crisis is resistant to anything and everything, but a few things can make my life tolerable while I'm forced to carry on for my loved ones.

Your emotional and physical pain is palpable. I'm SOOO sorry about the depressing situation you're in and not being able to do the things that used to give you joy, that'd totally push me over the edge too.

Suggestions: 1. Perhaps train your left limb to take over the tasks your right limb used to do. Many people are ambidextrous but aren't aware of it.
2. Since you're physically debilitated, maybe explore new sources of joy on the mind and spiritual levels.

Anyway, I hope you find what you seek from SS, whether it be advice on recovery, friendships, gaining insight and wisdom, or suicide method education. I wish you peace & luck.

 

[PhilipBrush]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I wasn't expecting such a heartful response. I thought I would get ignored and ready to delete my thread.

Your words mean a lot to me. I'm in a really bad place now but I will give another shot. Thanks again.

 

[K-O]

RAVING!!! GET ON BOARD!! (if youre bored) x

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/the-afterz.40850/

 

[I screwed up]

@PhilipBrush we r all in some sort of physical or mental pain here on this forum. But we will always try n support u in every possible way .. U will never be neglected here. We understand ur pain .. Take care buddy