How do I solve an anxious attachment style?

[Ambivalent1]

I've been told I have this affliction...that is worse than all other afflictions that one can be afflicted by. Why God why?
Why is anxious attachment style a turn off?

 

[slightoverlooked]

honestly i also struggle/struggled with this...the only thing that helped me was just one day waking up and deciding that i dont need anyone in my life to have a good life. that i can be happy on my own and that how most ppl treat me is a reflection of themselves. i dont care who abandons me but since i stopped caring about abandonment i feel like all the ppl around me are better ppl...yk? i heard that ppl with anxious attachment style tend to attract emotionally unavailable ppl which isn't a good combi.

 

[Ambivalent1]

honestly i also struggle/struggled with this...the only thing that helped me was just one day waking up and deciding that i dont need anyone in my life to have a good life. that i can be happy on my own and that how most ppl treat me is a reflection of themselves. i dont care who abandons me but since i stopped caring about abandonment i feel like all the ppl around me are better ppl...yk? i heard that ppl with anxious attachment style tend to attract emotionally unavailable ppl which isn't a good combi.

My bff on here is emotionally unavailable lol

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Gain mind reading powers and omniscience to remove all doubt and thus all sources of potential anxiety. At least that's the only way I could see me getting rid of mine. Easier said than done though.

 

[slightoverlooked]

My bff on here is emotionally unavailable lol

one of my closest friends is the most emotionally unavailable person i have ever met lmao! but he told me that through me he has been getting sm better at facing his emotions and all that and i also noticed that he got better in that aspect. for me it was important to set my boundaries very clearly and that's how we grew together as friends. it doesn't always have to end up badly.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Gain mind reading powers and omniscience to remove all doubt and thus all sources of potential anxiety. At least that's the only way I could see me getting rid of mine. Easier said than done though.

I've already achieved Godhood...over ants

 

[AnonymousL]

Do you have tiktok?
There are a few accounts that helped me understand myself so much better and also how to be in a relationship as an anxious attachment style myself (with an avoidant attachment style partner)

1) anxiuously_coupled
2) eyemindspirit
3) therapyJeff

 

[etherealgoddess]

I've been told I have this affliction...that is worse than all other afflictions that one can be afflicted by. Why God why?
Why is anxious attachment style a turn off?

I have an anxious attachment style, but these days, it's a dysfunctional attachment style--I'll switch between avoidant or anxious depending on the situation. The two main ways to improve your attachment style are:

1A. Be more self-reliant through actions. Find hobbies or things that allow you to be completely fine in solitude. Also, find places to fully express yourself and feel understood. That way, you won't be thirsty for other people to satisfy your needs to feel understood, especially when you're suffering. Use a book to express all of your sad thoughts or use this forum or use any kind of forum to let out all your sadness or talk to someone who you know you can trust. If you don't deal with your emotional needs, then you start leaking your emotional needs onto acquaintances. Acquaintances end up feeling it and consequently, become very weirded out.
1B. Be more self-reliant mentally. Don't allow yourself to need someone else. See it more as company that you enjoy, but you won't die without it. You can attach to things when you have a track record of the relationship being safe--attaching too early can feel like putting handcuffs on a snake: the snake will just slither away. Signs the relationship is safe is maybe ask them what they feel about a celebrity coming out on their mental health issues. Are they dismissive? Are they understanding? That's how they'll treat you if you ever decide to be close and open up about yourself.

2. Be in tune with the other person. Don't worry too much about the logistical side of the relationship and where you want it to go. What you want to do is notice how much effort and enthusiasm they are putting in and putting in just around the same amount. You can start off the conversation with a neutral tone and a good amount of attention, but then notice how much attention they are giving to you after you give them some. If they just respond with 3 words, they do NOT want to talk to you unless they're a horrible texter. If they're online a lot, unless they're disabled or something, they're definitely not interested.

 

[Helvete]

Sorry if this isn't helpful, but coming from someone who has been on the other end of this, the biggest hardship of AA is feeling like the person's life depended on me. She regularly told me how without me she would end it, and demanded is reassure her of my love for her dozens of times a day. Having AA is fine, but if you give the other person the feeling that if you two dont work out then you will end it, that is where the issues arise. Wanting reassurance and wanting to be near someone 24/7 is no issue, and if your partner is not emotionally available, then that is not someone you want to be with long-term anyways because it would be damaging to both of you. YOUR SELF WORTH NEEDS TO COME FROM YOU AND YOU ALONE! You are an incredible human being and deserve to feel that way, and even when it doesnt feel like it you are unique and valuable in your own way. Rambling ik but thats my ten cents.

 

[Kit1]

I have some attachment challenges - but ot was mainly with my therapist and GP - as I have not really spoken to anyone else about my problems. Anyway taken them out of the equation, no longer talk to any professionals and the problem seem to have gone away. Not necessarily positive - but a shortsighted and plssibly dangerous solution as I have locked myself out in the cold.

 

[sserafim]

My bff on here is emotionally unavailable lol

Is it me? Lol

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

I've been told I have this affliction...that is worse than all other afflictions that one can be afflicted by. Why God why?
Why is anxious attachment style a turn off?

This is something I also struggle with. First of all, I'd say that I don't feel that attachment types are set in stone. We're all able to learn to develop secure attachments. For some of us it may be harder than others. Our tendency towards a particular attachment style is indicative of past experiences, particularly early life with our caretakers. These experiences are out of our control and we're all trying our best to make due in life. So, I'd encourage not being too hard on yourself about it.

I've found a lot of help managing this in applying tools and perspective from Internal Family Systems (IFS), which is a therapy modality that utilizes parts work. The doctor who developed the modality described it as attachment theory applied internally. If you're inclined to look into it more I'd suggest the book "No Bad Parts." (PDFs are easily available online.)

 

[Ambivalent1]

Is it me? Lol

Yes .

 

[sserafim]

Yes .

Lmao