Venting How did you realize it’s never getting better?

[floofhook]

I haven't lived a good life. It was bad but not that terrible. Only child two older parents father with anger management issues socially awkward and very self conscious etc etc.. What made it bearable is that I found ways and hobbies to enjoy myself plus the lack of responsibilities over managing my own life and not having to make choices. It started getting terrible in my twenties when I gradually started losing enjoyment in what I loved. Then after I had some realizations about myself, my beliefs, and what I want in life. I used to be religious and over night I became atheist which started my downward spiral into depression, that and I absolutely hated my college major but didn't do anything to change it. Few years later I'm still closeted atheist, my parents are getting older and losing their vitality, I finished my internship last august and haven't managed to get a job, and today I just got a rejection email from the place I interned at. When I was there they made it sound like they wanted me to work with them but guess not. It's been so long since I graduated and I'm still unemployed. I have nothing to live for now except taking care of my parents. I can't bring myself to end my life mainly because it'd destroy my mom and she doesn't deserve it plus some pathetic part of me is probably chickening out. I wish I'd sleep and never wake up.

 

[summers]

To answer the question in the thread title -> Very simple - I keep getting older...

 

[mpnf]

Cause it keeps getting worse.

 

[WornOutLife]

I've been suicidal since 12 but I managed to deal with life decently.
However, when I turned 30 I realized that I had fuc*ed my life and from that point on, things have only being going south!

 

[Deathbydemo]

I'm sorry about the job rejection, I'm sure that's been hard to deal with since you got the email. I've been there so I can sympathise.

I took a really long walk last night in the middle of the night and I just thought to myself: all of this ends soon. I said a mental goodbye to everything I am leaving behind and I genuinely felt so calm. That's how I know it's really never going to get better; how ready I am to go.

 

[the_final_countdown]

You have your health. It's never too late to start earning money. Instacart and Door Dash for example while you continue the search.

you have so much potential ahead of you. So much. A healthy body. God what I would give for that. You can overcome any obstacle with that.

 

[Celerity]

For the previous week, I had flown high on a buoyant mood. I felt unstoppable, as if I had achieved everything I had worked for and as if the future was certainly bright. Then, I crashed down and wanted to die again inexplicably. I realized that nothing I did would ever be good enough to fill the hole inside.

 

[demuic]

There's no logical reason to think it will get better when experience has shown it will stay the same or get worse. As long as I live in my mind and remain in this world, I will never be satisfied.

 

[RegretedFeeling]

I woke up

 

[newave3]

I've been seeing psychiatrists and taking anxiety and depression medication for over 40 years. However due to mounting physical problems, I have become suicidal only within the past year.
I have suffered too long and I am too old for anything to get better. My future or lack thereof looks about as bright as this gloomy, rainy 40 °F weather here in New York.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

My health is complete shit. I'm so traumatized from abuse that I will never be able to recover from severe ptsd, the medical profession does nothing but trigger me and harm me further.

No one understands the issues I'm dealing with because they are invisible to the naked eye, so everyone assumes I'm faking and that my pain is psychosomatic in nature.

I'm only 21 years old and I've been ill since I was a teenager. I've been fired from minimum wage jobs because my body is simply too frail to withstand manual labor and standing up all day, leading to me frequently taking sick days. No one believed how much I was hurting and thought I was lazy and didn't want to work.

I will struggle to finish university, and I will be unemployable when I complete my degree, as I am unable to work full time. I cannot claim benefits. Every day is agony for me, yet others tell me to hang in there and push for a better future where I can hold a job.

Why should I exist only to destroy my body further so that someone can profit off it? That realization made me cognizant of the simple truth that I have no choice but to die, lest everyone keep treating me like garbage forever.

 

[fracturedviolence]

age

 

[FuneralCry]

When I got physical health problems. That made me realise that I do not have the capacity to deal with suffering and I lost the will to live even further. I've been disadvantaged from the start, being born with neurological issues meant that I have always struggled to cope with life. I just dread the future and I can't see how anything can change. I've realised that over the years I've slowly died inside as life has turned against me.