Venting Having to talk myself out of ctb kver grades

[hoppybunny]

I made a post talking about how I'll have all Cs this semester and i needed encouragement so I'll be ok with it. But one of my classes is currently a d but im hoping the professor curves the final or is kind enough to bump me to a 70 after i ask. But he's an asshole and i never pay attention in his class cause i hate his voice so i doubt he will do that.

But basically i hate the idea of even retaking this class. But the worst part is getting ridiculed for failing. i already know it's my fault i don't need to be insulted and yelled at too. And because i don't wanna get yelled at for failing this class i was honestly going to buy a gun and cbt in a nearby hotel the day the grades come out.

I talked myself out of it cause i came across a baby video while dead scrolling and it genuinely made me realize life is bigger than grades and I'm trying to hold on cause my mum recently lost both her parents but like the plan is still at the back of my mind and im just so tired of this whole college thing but i need this degree for a job so i can't just quit especially since I'm in my last year.

Im just sick of it all. I really do not want a D in this class and i really think i may actually go through with it it this time cause i just can't imagine retaking this class. It's not like it's necessarily hard it's just tedious and idk if i it will affect my graduation.

I just already have little energy that i waste on moping and scrolling online i can't imagine retaking this class.

I wish i could go back to how i was in highschool. I wish i could try my best again. I wish i could feel pleasure and enjoyments from hobbies instead of feeling like they're chores. I just hate everything right now.

I just wanted to be done with this class and now i may retake it even though it was the final that tanked my grade. I literally had a 73 but the final weighed so much it dropped my entire grade. Im sick of this. And the worst part is that if i had gotten a 55 instead of a 51. Just 1 or 2 more questions right, i wouldn't be contemplating blowing my head off. I hate this. My brain really believes my life is really not worth more than 4 points on an exam.

I'm just praying to God rn my professor curves the final or bumps me up when i ask this friday because i can't keep doing this. Im sick and tired of not doing my best and then wanting to die over the result but not even feeling any desire to try anymore.


I honestly wish it was because i had something else i wanted to do like party or something instead of studying but i really spend my day doing nothing. I don't enjoy this either so why cant i just do my school work instead?!? Im just so sick of myself. And i just feel like shit. Ive gone from top 15 percent in hs to begging God for a C. Im so pathetic.

 

[alienfreak]

I felt like grades were very important when i was studying. It gave me insane stress for such a long time and really affected my quality of life. Now that i graduated a long time ago, i look back and think it was a big mistake, in reality it was all so unimportant and i wish i could have been relaxed about it even if it meant i got much worse grades or failed some things. Don't know know to really show you that, or if your situation is the same, or what sort of job you expect it to lead to and what requirements it has etc. But i feel like saying you're putting too much importance on it. Fuck grades, try to not worry about it so much and imagine that you can be patient and persistent even in the bad possibilities where you have to redo a class or whatever

 

[timf]

I think the way public education is constructed is unfair for children. Immersing them for 12 years in an environment where the measure of their worth is grades can create a distortion of human development. This is made even worse with college which can focus such powerful intensity on grades that damaging distortions can arise.

Looking at it from the outside one might question if a failing grade reflects the failure of the student or the failure of the teacher.

If the class is not a requirement, it might be possible to substitute a different class. If the class is offered with a different instructor, you might be able to breeze through it again having taken it before.

When things focus down to thinking about ctb it can shut out consideration of other options that might offer a workable solution.

 

[hoppybunny]

I think the way public education is constructed is unfair for children. Immersing them for 12 years in an environment where the measure of their worth is grades can create a distortion of human development. This is made even worse with college which can focus such powerful intensity on grades that damaging distortions can arise.

Looking at it from the outside one might question if a failing grade reflects the failure of the student or the failure of the teacher.

If the class is not a requirement, it might be possible to substitute a different class. If the class is offered with a different instructor, you might be able to breeze through it again having taken it before.

When things focus down to thinking about ctb it can shut out consideration of other options that might offer a workable solution.

Honestly, i know there might be a better proff especially since this is a required class, retaking the class just outweighs all the positivies that can console me.

I just wish i could be done with college but I'll do my best to persevere

I felt like grades were very important when i was studying. It gave me insane stress for such a long time and really affected my quality of life. Now that i graduated a long time ago, i look back and think it was a big mistake, in reality it was all so unimportant and i wish i could have been relaxed about it even if it meant i got much worse grades or failed some things. Don't know know to really show you that, or if your situation is the same, or what sort of job you expect it to lead to and what requirements it has etc. But i feel like saying you're putting too much importance on it. Fuck grades, try to not worry about it so much and imagine that you can be patient and persistent even in the bad possibilities where you have to redo a class or whatever

I want to go into CS. It's nice pay and has plenty of remote jobs so i never have to meet in an office or commute. It's just that i live with my parents so taking an extra semester would greatly upset them.