Method Hanging

[Want2DieSooooBad]

My life is so unimaginably horrible that suicide is the only way out and I am considering hanging!!!!! I don't have access to a firearm and can't ever get one because I have been hospitalized in behavioral health units three times!!!! I have tried to hang myself before, but don't really know how to and have always gotten scared and chickened out!!!!! I can't stand to live another second and really want to follow through to end my unbearable life!!!!! This question might sound stupid....but do I tie the scarf around my neck or the anchor point first? How long do you think it would take (judging by the height of the anchor point, the length of the scarf, and my height 5'7") for me to die? Are there any ways I can make this quick and painless? I am desperate to die but scared shitless of feeling physical pain in the process!!!!!