Guilt about cbt

[lifegoeson]

As a young guy (20s) who is lucky enough to have parents who love him I feel guilty about wanting to cbt knowing it will hurt them. But at the same time I feel exhausted , I don't want to live out my whole life. Even if this headspace I have now passes what's to stop it coming back in the future. I feel like a failure , I have no motivation for anything . I don't know how to think about it all. I'm convinced ctb is the right decision but maybe it's my own mind just working against me .
Anyone else feel the same ?

 

[Ender]

I feel the same way. My guardians cares for me, and I have no idea how it will tear them apart. But at the same time, I have to, I just have to ctb. It's kinda frustrating and torturing, you have to ctb, but then you have guilt; it's an never ending back-and-forth dilemma. But death will fix that, death will solve my problems. I want my existence erased, any trace of me: gone. I want to sleep in the cold, and comforting void. But, maybe there won't be any heartbreak for those whom I have left behind; I'm pathetic after all.

 

[WornOutLife]

Same here. That's why I think ctb must be a selfish act. You gotta ignore the feelings of people who love you and just go for it. (It's very hard)

I've postponed my ctb because my dad really needs me so, I'll stay around some more time.

 

[Sea Turtle]

I'm somewhat torn between feeling selfish for wanting to, and others being selfish for (trying) to force me to stay. At the end of the day, it's my choice to make though. I've mostly made peace with what others will think.

 

[Aloken]

Yes, I feel the same way. It's been a blessing that I have parents and a brother that really love me, but at the same time it's a curse that now I'm gonna have to hurt them so much.. And that makes me feel worse since so many people didn't have the same blessing and opportunities as me.. I don't know how am I going to be able to leave my mom, she's the kind of mom that stays home all the time and lives for her kids and she always says how much she loves me with tears in her eyes.. I've always answered to that "oh come on mom, don't cry again ffs..", but now I think "..I wish you didn't.. "and try to hold back the tears.. If I have to leave my house to ctb, I'm gonna have to literally walk away from my family back while they peacefully sleep and go die and that hurts me so much and holds me back..I wish you a peace of mind in any way you want it and need it

 

[AutoTap]

As a young guy (20s) who is lucky enough to have parents who love him I feel guilty about wanting to cbt knowing it will hurt them. But at the same time I feel exhausted , I don't want to live out my whole life. Even if this headspace I have now passes what's to stop it coming back in the future. I feel like a failure , I have no motivation for anything . I don't know how to think about it all. I'm convinced ctb is the right decision but maybe it's my own mind just working against me .
Anyone else feel the same ?

I feel the exact same way.

 

[caus]

I think you should find a good excuse . Blame someone or something . It's to much responsibility to deal with other peoples feeling . You need to do what's good for you . Whatever this is .