tary
Experienced
- Jul 3, 2022
- 247
I will be drinking 25 g of SN from IC mixed into 50 ml of water in 8 hours (just started fasting).
I'll also make a second backup glass, conveniently there's exactly 50 g of SN in one of the three bags I have.
I will use olanzapine as an antiemetic, it has nearly the same dopamine blocking antiemetic quality as metoclopramide, but without the quicker stomach emptying.
I have seen it recommended in SN guides though, so might as well try it and see if it works now that I have it at hand.
I will bump this thread after drinking the first glass, and will attempt to post if I vomit.
If I don't come back for a week, I'll most likely have succeeded.
Now for random thoughts:
It's been a nice 2 years to be a member of this community. I like the honesty and freedom of thought, and the supportiveness.
I also like the old-school forum feel, reminds me of the time of smaller Internet communities (not that SaSu is small) before the rise of mass social media.
I'm thankful that I've found SN through this forum, without it I would've probably painfully hanged myself in public (at night) or stabbed myself to death.
I have been suicidal since my teens, and have known since age 16 that I would eventually die by my own hand.
I just don't like life in general, it doesn't feel worth the effort it takes to live, and I've grown bored of it as I've grown older (I'm only 32, but still
)
I feel like I've seen and done enough, and that from now on it would be just more of the same for the next half-century with everything that comes with an aging body and brain past their prime.
There's a nice expression in my native Finnish: "ajasta ikuisuuteen", or "from time to eternity", meaning death.
I believe in an afterlife, but I'm not afraid of anything, I've read enough to convince me that it's nothing to worry about, even for a suicide.
We're at home in the universe. Everyone dies someday, it's not a thing that puts you in any danger of pain or hurt, it's just another transition in an existence with plenty more before and after it.
I feel almost excited, as if I was moving to another country or something. I've consciously done things recently knowing they'll be the last time I'll ever do them.
I'm sure many many people who've known they'll die soon have felt the same before me. It must be a very human experience.
Thank you, SaSu, for everything and see you on the other side.
I'll also make a second backup glass, conveniently there's exactly 50 g of SN in one of the three bags I have.
I will use olanzapine as an antiemetic, it has nearly the same dopamine blocking antiemetic quality as metoclopramide, but without the quicker stomach emptying.
I have seen it recommended in SN guides though, so might as well try it and see if it works now that I have it at hand.
I will bump this thread after drinking the first glass, and will attempt to post if I vomit.
If I don't come back for a week, I'll most likely have succeeded.
Now for random thoughts:
It's been a nice 2 years to be a member of this community. I like the honesty and freedom of thought, and the supportiveness.
I also like the old-school forum feel, reminds me of the time of smaller Internet communities (not that SaSu is small) before the rise of mass social media.
I'm thankful that I've found SN through this forum, without it I would've probably painfully hanged myself in public (at night) or stabbed myself to death.
I have been suicidal since my teens, and have known since age 16 that I would eventually die by my own hand.
I just don't like life in general, it doesn't feel worth the effort it takes to live, and I've grown bored of it as I've grown older (I'm only 32, but still
)I feel like I've seen and done enough, and that from now on it would be just more of the same for the next half-century with everything that comes with an aging body and brain past their prime.
There's a nice expression in my native Finnish: "ajasta ikuisuuteen", or "from time to eternity", meaning death.
I believe in an afterlife, but I'm not afraid of anything, I've read enough to convince me that it's nothing to worry about, even for a suicide.
We're at home in the universe. Everyone dies someday, it's not a thing that puts you in any danger of pain or hurt, it's just another transition in an existence with plenty more before and after it.
I feel almost excited, as if I was moving to another country or something. I've consciously done things recently knowing they'll be the last time I'll ever do them.
I'm sure many many people who've known they'll die soon have felt the same before me. It must be a very human experience.
Thank you, SaSu, for everything and see you on the other side.
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