Please, please, go easy on yourself. The failing is exhausting, and demoralizing to a degree I never imagined possible before I had to endure it. Take some time to rest and be kind to yourself. If you're trying to ctb, you're already hurting too much, and beating yourself up won't help you move forward in any direction.
As for gunshot, I can promise you that isn't so easy as you might imagine. Just because it's only a trigger pull away doesn't make it any easier to pull the trigger. I expect drinking the N is no easier.
Human survival instinct is insanely strong, no matter what method you're attempting, and partial is one of the hardest methods to succeed at. Hell, I've failed six times with eb/N2, one of the gentlest methods there is. Partial? I wouldn't have a chance.
As for your cat --sometimes our critters know best. Maybe your cat knew it wasn't the right time? Or maybe she just didn't want you to leave. Whatever the reason, I can promise you that you're not the only person on this forum who has survived because of feline intervention.
