Failed full suspension

[Davey40210]

So I tried full suspension tonight after I couldn't do partial.. my plan was to do it tomorrow but I simply couldn't wait anymore. CTB one day before the anniversary would be good enough.

I failed.. I had to make an over the door contraption as I have no other firm anchors. When I jumped off the little table (it has wheels so that was good), I found that due to the added weight on the rope and door, my toes just hit the ground. I tried to stand my feet firmly on the ground a couple times to achieve "hanging" but every time I go on my toes, just like I did in my partial attempts.

I then tried to hang the noose higher but it has to be big enough for my head to fit so at its highest I would still touch the ground with my toes.

Difficult to explain but it seems that this means full suspension won't be possible here.

I will try again tomorrow on my planned day. But if I can't make it work then perhaps I should go for SN after all. Or like an AirBnB with better anchor points.

Also the chat seems to have been disabled for me due to the recent forum change.. could not have come at a worse time.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it feels so cruel how it's so difficult to die, I hope you find peace eventually.

 

[Davey40210]

To me it feels so cruel how it's so difficult to die, I hope you find peace eventually.

Thanks FuneralCry

 

[Reflection]

Finding a good anchor point in a house is kind of hard, but I hope you'll be able to find your peace eventually. By the way if you don't mind me asking. I'm assuming your reason to CTB is because of pain from an ended relationship? Is there really absolutely no way that can ever be fixed?

 

[Davey40210]

I stayed in an Airbnb some months ago and it was like a top apartment with like wooden beams in the ceiling. Something like that would be perfect. If I don't manage tomorrow.

The reason is not the one failed relationship. I've had several. All of them ended after several years. It's the realisation I will never be able to be happy because I won't let me. That and possible autism and childhood trauma.

The last relationship just pushed me over the edge. My heart is in a thousand pieces. And I don't have anything left to keep going.

 

[landslide2]

it is so hard to ctb, partial/full is what ive been considering but now also thinking sn.
glad you are still with us. wishing you the best, whatever you decide.