Experiences of Failed CTB Attempt?

[idontknow42]

Has anyone had a positive experience after a failed CTB attempt? Where they weren't drugged up, strapped to a bed and treated like a psychopath?

I would love to hear. Eg, things family/friends did or said, etc.

 

[WornOutLife]

Unfortunately, my experience includes "drugs", a bed and not being treated as a psycho but I really received looks of "damn, poor guy. He's so weak. Why doesn't he want to live?" all the time.

To sum up, after my failed attempt, I ended up in a coma for 2 days, 1 month in hospital and 5 months in prison (my parents' house). I had no freedom.

 

[ready2go]

I failed recently, woke up in hospital, had a quick conversation with MHT, was told I could leave at 11pm, was shipped out with no trainers and a leaflet with a crisis number on.

all I've received since is the "looks" and the positive talks.

 

[Last chance]

I failed recently, woke up in hospital, had a quick conversation with MHT, was told I could leave at 11pm, was shipped out with no trainers and a leaflet with a crisis number on.

all I've received since is the "looks" and the positive talks.

Have you tried journaling or going for a walk? ;)

 

[jenny6391bubbles]

I failed 3 years ago because the pain I felt from hanging myself was too painful and the survival instinct kicked in too fast. So I went to school with bruises around my neck and a teacher noticed (because hanging also affected my vocal chords and throat, so speaking is really hard for me) so I was sent to the school counselor and was sent to my psychiatrist right away. I was luckily just confined to my house for a week.

I tried to CTB because I thought I was going to get kicked out of my school and end up paying a large-ass debt (you pay if you fail because it's a scholarship and the government wants its money back for you being a failure). The loophole out of all these "pay if your scholarship is terminated" contracts here is death, which is why so many people with this contract usually contemplate suicide. I believe a couple of people in the past decades have indeed committed suicide to escape the contracts.

 

[Trisolaris]

Every time I failed I felt frustrated and disappointed. No one knew about it.

 

[Bat 17]

I failed one year ago using Monox and ended up in ITU and general hospital for 2 months, kidneys knocked out and had to learn to walk again as legs paralysed. Then shortly after I made a half-assed attempt at hanging and ended up on psych hospital for 3.5 months, including 100 days on continuous observations.

I was really struck by how my friends rallied round. One of my school friends drove more than 100 miles every week after work to see me, I've never seen him cry before but he did and said he'd never get over it if I CTB.

Another thing was the patients on the psych ward. There were many in much worse shape than me, with chronic schizophrenia. So many of them reached out to me and encouraged me to live, they were so big hearted even though battling severe psychosis all their lives.

Finally, my daughters. When I was at my most depressed I was sure they'd be better off without me. However when I was in hospital they were so worried, wrote me all the time, it made me realise what it would be like for them if I CTB and leave them. Made me see you've got to take each day at a time, things can get better.

 

[Belle1990]

I didn't tell anyone for a while, live on own and was in too much pain from od was hoping that it would eventually finish me off and didn't want to waste emergency services time.
I just remember when I woke up and was still here... I thought I was free but clearly not.
When eventually told gp ( got one of a kind) she just listened to me took my bloods/ ECG and asked what I wanted in terms of help. Don't think would have lasted so long without her tbh. Never forces anything on me and got me support of cmht as well as still seeing her regularly