Venting Exhausted of options

[Cheshirecatx]

Here to post again, triallling some ligature points today, seeing if indoors is an appropriate area to attempt. My closet door has been blocked, so I only have a wardrobe door which is much more unsteady.

I've had a bad few days, tried to drown myself in the bath tub whether it was from secondary drowning or initially was sedation(on lots of medications I'm on), I know the success rate is extremely low but I took my chances. I was pulled out and stopped and pretty much watched all night, got desperate in an attempt to OD but I ended up being pretty much restrained out of it and threatened with emergency services. It's been exhausting, I'm desperate but on constant suicide watch, whether it's check in calls or being with someone 24/7. My car is known to police so I can't ever drive anywhere to hide or get away and everything else is now pretty much card-based (traceable) nowadays. My mental health team are aware of recent attempts due to police intervention so I have to have a multi disciplinary team meeting which is with a whole bunch of professionals to discuss next steps in treatment. I know I'm unlikely to be sectioned or detained so I'm not overly worried, but I feel as if I am very close to a no-return point.

my area is cracking down on the use of forums like SS (we were directly affected by Callie) and I have a massive fear of being in hospital or failing another ctb attempt. I deleted all social media's completely and am now pretty much on a waiting game of me succeeding. I'm getting time off work for "recovery". I have been deemed to have capacity though which goes in my favour.

nobody seems to really be on my level anymore, and to be at this point is very lonely, just because I'm settled with my choice and everyone is working against me.

not a final post, but wish me luck. If anyone would like to chat, even just for the sake of company. I wouldn't mind.

 

[WornOutLife]

I have a massive fear of being in hospital or failing another ctb attempt.

I have the same fear, pal.
I can't fail again. If I do, I will end up in a psych ward and go crazy for real.
Last year when I tried to ctb, I was forced to live in hell (my parents' house) for almost 6 months.

Whatever happens, wish you the best of luck.

 

[Cheshirecatx]

I have the same fear, pal.
I can't fail again. If I do, I will end up in a psych ward and go crazy for real.
Last year when I tried to ctb, I was forced to live in hell (my parents' house) for almost 6 months.

Whatever happens, wish you the best of luck.

It's terrifying. I have never been more scared of failure in my life, yesterday I was prepared to take any steps necessary because I was so intent. I've spent 3 nights in a psych ward and that was enough to make me careful about every word I say.
My parents are the one thing I cannot handle, they don't understand and I currently live with them on a permanent basis. I completely get how bad that experience was.
I wish you luck in what you choose in the future.