Venting everything hurts

[TomorrowNeverComes]

i need to die now but I lnow I cant. im out of options. everyday i drink and smoke to take my problems away but i know I cant escape. i know it destroys my body but i cant take my mind off of her. its never enough. she was the only glistening hope I had but I know that I was never enough. she wont even look at me any more and i know its deserved. I dont deserve to have anyone in my life and thats why I need to leave, far away from this life, before i hurt and disappont more people. every second I live i feel like it,'ll just be spent hurting myself and other people. i just wish something would just sappear in fromt of me to grant me tje peace thtat I desire but it'll never happen. i hust want everything to be over. im too tired to try anymore, i know ill just pussy out of every opportunity to end my suffering even though I just want to end it all. why? why is everything so hard? i know i am a lost cause but nothing in my body will scream out to me to end everything, its like it wants to torture me and keep in in this prison of suffering. what am i doing wrong? i know its my fault but how come after all of the shitty things ive done, you wont give me the peace of taking it all away? do i like to see myself suffer? am i the only one who feels this way, who feels completely lost without any other options? i just dont understand anymore. if i have nothing to live for then why am I so determined to back out at the last second??? with every failed attempt, i feel more and more useless and I dont know what to do. I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up, but its never that easy. everything just hurts.

 

[Cynacs]

i need to die now but I lnow I cant. im out of options. everyday i drink and smoke to take my problems away but i know I cant escape. i know it destroys my body but i cant take my mind off of her. its never enough. she was the only glistening hope I had but I know that I was never enough. she wont even look at me any more and i know its deserved. I dont deserve to have anyone in my life and thats why I need to leave, far away from this life, before i hurt and disappont more people. every second I live i feel like it,'ll just be spent hurting myself and other people. i just wish something would just sappear in fromt of me to grant me tje peace thtat I desire but it'll never happen. i hust want everything to be over. im too tired to try anymore, i know ill just pussy out of every opportunity to end my suffering even though I just want to end it all. why? why is everything so hard? i know i am a lost cause but nothing in my body will scream out to me to end everything, its like it wants to torture me and keep in in this prison of suffering. what am i doing wrong? i know its my fault but how come after all of the shitty things ive done, you wont give me the peace of taking it all away? do i like to see myself suffer? am i the only one who feels this way, who feels completely lost without any other options? i just dont understand anymore. if i have nothing to live for then why am I so determined to back out at the last second??? with every failed attempt, i feel more and more useless and I dont know what to do. I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up, but its never that easy. everything just hurts.

What you said hit me hard. I know the feeling of it being deserved, hurting and disappointing others, and sometimes even wishing I ctb earlier to prevent that. I feel like many know the feeling of being scared, failing, and the consequences.

I'm sorry you feel this way, I'm sorry to everyone who knows any of these feelings.

 

[TomorrowNeverComes]

nothing is fucking working and I cant be assed to ask what i'm doing wrong anymore. im going to jump off this 6th floor rooftop and end it all. if my body wants to choose a painful and undignified way of going out, so be it. its controlled me all of my life so why not let it win again. not too much else to say. goodbye.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just wish to never wake again and finally be free from this painful existence, I hope you eventually find the peace from all the suffering you search for.

 

[sugarb]

nothing is fucking working and I cant be assed to ask what i'm doing wrong anymore. im going to jump off this 6th floor rooftop and end it all. if my body wants to choose a painful and undignified way of going out, so be it. its controlled me all of my life so why not let it win again. not too much else to say. goodbye.

Hopefully you decided against jumping off there but in the event you're still thinking about it- please don't, 6 stories might not kill you and if you fail it'll be horrible

 

[shadow999]

Hopefully you decided against jumping off there but in the event you're still thinking about it- please don't, 6 stories might not kill you and if you fail it'll be horrible

OP I want to second that please don't jump. It's not worth the risk and there are other things you could do. There are many resources on this site that explain why jumping is not a great method. I understand you want the suffering to end soon, and it can. Just please be careful.