Venting Emotional & psychological abuse, potentially narcissistic abuse. Advice needed

[hopeifindmyself]

I'm confused, so much about friendship or whatever it is or it was or I don't know anymore. I feel numb, lost, afloat, anxious, depressed in cycles, I feel very vulnerable. Pain feels too much that I don't wanna remember the details or events. I feel like that friend is making me sound crazy to others. I feel like disappearing. I don't know if anyone would understand. I wish he cared. Whenever I remember abuse events I feel so hurt and tear down, I am falling apart. How can someone be so cruel. I used to have a strong self esteem. I recovered and found hope in life with my fiancé but this is friendship has drowned me. The hot & cold behaviour, it's addictive. My friend has starved me of bare minimum conversation. I'm tired. I have nothing left. I feel empty. I don't know what to do

 

[Forever Sleep]

I have a very strong bias and fear of narcissists after (I believe,) growing up with one. So, my reaction would likely be very extreme- cut them off all together.

Obviously though, you're in a better position to know whether you can do that. Whether that could hurt you more. All I can really do is recommend a couple of YouTube creators that address narcissism: 'The Crappy Childhood Fairy' and, 'Live Abuse Free'. There are bound to be plenty though. Maybe it is that you do want to keep this person in your life but, you learn ways of better protecting yourself. I hope you can find a way of being happier around them or, without them.