Each week is worse than the last

[Beachedwhale]

Is anyone else steadily declining mentally and physically?

It's either SN or jumping for me, soon.

I owe myself one last push... Going to try eating properly, lifting weights, sleeping better, applying to jobs and maybe microdosing.

 

[WornOutLife]

This is my last push too, my friend.
I won't give life another chance after this one.
For now, it seems to be working.

Whatever happens, you know you can count on me!!

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[Beachedwhale]

Thank you Matt. Let's give it a good go.

 

[LoupDeFeu]

Right there with you both.

 

[BlankUser]

I'm also trying, but I'm so tired of trying. But it's like odds are stacked against me. I manage to do better for a few weeks, going to the gym, taking my bird for a walk, keeping myself busy and then something happens and I'm in my bed for two weeks crying with a bottle of vodka. If nothings improves in my life I want to end it in August. Enough is enough. This pathetic existence is not living.

 

[Beachedwhale]

I'm also trying, but I'm so tired of trying. But it's like odds are stacked against me. I manage to do better for a few weeks, going to the gym, taking my bird for a walk, keeping myself busy and then something happens and I'm in my bed for two weeks crying with a bottle of vodka. If nothings improves in my life I want to end it in August. Enough is enough. This pathetic existence is not living.

Im sorry to hear that and I agree that just existing is not living. Would you like to describe what happens when you get low? Is it depression?

 

[BlankUser]

Would you like to describe what happens when you get low? Is it depression?

It's probably a depression episode and I think the main cause of my depression is severe OCD. I feel very limited. Also other problems in life add up.

 

[jusbug]

last push or no push is the same to me, whatever i do doesn't really matter because it is not up to me, besides I'm done pushing

 

[LoupDeFeu]

It's probably a depression episode and I think the main cause of my depression is severe OCD. I feel very limited. Also other problems in life add up.

Oh shit me too. Severe OCD I mean. I spent my last therapy session doing an exposure therapy where I sat on a disgusting floor in a horrible basement and all it did was make me cry.

Severe OCD is utterly crippling. It pisses me off when people are like "lol I'm soooo OCD, I gotta have everything tidy on my desk." No you jerk, that's being tidy. OCD is being UNABLE TO FUNCTION because it's so stupid and disabling. /rant

last push or no push is the same to me, whatever i do doesn't really matter because it is not up to me, besides I'm done pushing

Why are you done? I mean besides just being sick of trying, if it's just that.

 

[bob mcbob]

I'm trying, but my medical condition caused by a doctors idiotic mistake gets worse by the day. Feel like I'm in a race to Kill myself before I'm unable to.

 

[LoupDeFeu]

I'm trying, but my medical condition caused by a doctors idiotic mistake gets worse by the day. Feel like I'm in a race to Kill myself before I'm unable to.

I'm sorry to hear that someone did that to you. What was the mistake?

 

[the_final_countdown]

I have a literal hormonal problem caused by medicine that prevents me from feeling good, along with other issues.

I keep trying all sorts of treatments and none have worked so far.

It's an unbelievable amount of suffering.

I would be fine with losing my arm or leg in exchange for being able to feel good. Like if it gave me back my health. I'd be fine with that.

It's really unusual to be in this headspace.

I haven't done anything since December. Literally just lying on my bed. Used to weightlift often. Illness took me. Medicine took me further.

I wish I could get better. I wish I could die. I've lost so much. Already so much.

Part of me is traumatized by how life may end too. Painful, alone, and suffering.

 

[BlankUser]

Oh shit me too. Severe OCD I mean. I spent my last therapy session doing an exposure therapy where I sat on a disgusting floor in a horrible basement and all it did was make me cry.

Severe OCD is utterly crippling. It pisses me off when people are like "lol I'm soooo OCD, I gotta have everything tidy on my desk." No you jerk, that's being tidy. OCD is being UNABLE TO FUNCTION because it's so stupid and disabling. /rant

Yes, some people use it as quirk and some absolutely fail to understand what it's like to live with it.
"We all get intrusive thoughts sometimes" - yes, but non-OCD people are not bothered by these thoughts and move on. For OCD sufferers - it's a constant scream of thoughts that linger and cause great anxiety.
"I also like cleaning" - people with OCD are not cleaning because they like it, they're cleaning because they think something bad will happen.
And there are so many more things that are absolutely misunderstood about this terrifying illness. It's very difficult to enjoy something when you have OCD.

 

[bob mcbob]

I'm sorry to hear that someone did that to you. What was the mistake?

Was given a contrast injection that's caused heavy metals poisoning and small fiber neuropathy. The latter is not curable

 

[demuic]

Yeah. I'll try one last push because I'm genuinely at my limit and completely done. Every single day is worse and worse. The small amounts of happiness literally get crushed in an instant.

I've lost any false hope of feeling happiness again. Now the only thing I'm trying to achieve is not to be constantly internally screaming in agony.

If nothing works by the end of this year, I think that's it for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate. Life always seems to turn against me. I think as humans there is only so much we have the capacity to deal with before we lose the will to live. I see death as freedom from all of this, I believe there is nothing after this life meaning there is permanent peace. This thing called existing is very tiring. There is literally so much that can go wrong with this life.

 

[heretogethelp]

that's life :(