Venting Doing Something for Me

[failurefather]

I got married and had children very young. My oldest is nearly 18, and my youngest is nearly 12. My wife does not work, and I've struggled to keep our head above water financially and give my wife and children the life they deserve.

I'm just tired. Tired of constantly grinding, tired of failing, tired of not being able to provide enough for my family. The one thing I'm looking forward to in life is death. I know it's selfish, but I'm looking forward to dying like a person looks forward to sleep at night.

I know my suicide would devastate my family, but I just want to do this one thing for myself.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm sorry for the circumstances you are in. Have you encouraged your wife to get a job to help out ? Could your older child help out with taking care of the younger one ... at least while you and your wife would be working ?
I don't think it's fair to place all of the burden on one parent to provide for everything. I know that used to be the case throughout most of history but that shouldn't be the case anymore.
If your oldest is thinking about furthering their education they should be getting a job to help with the cost of school.

 

[failurefather]

I'm sorry for the circumstances you are in. Have you encouraged your wife to get a job to help out ? Could your older child help out with taking care of the younger one ... at least while you and your wife would be working ?
I don't think it's fair to place all of the burden on one parent to provide for everything. I know that used to be the case throughout most of history but that shouldn't be the case anymore.
If your oldest is thinking about furthering their education they should be getting a job to help with the cost of school.

I've asked my wife to find work, but she hasn't found much success. One of the downsides of me not taking care of myself is my family is pretty much in shambles emotionally. I've done them a huge disservice by just trying to grind through life, and I feel a lot of guilt because of that. If I could go back in time 20 years I'd get my ass into therapy and meds - but now I'm looking at a huge group of people I've let down. It's heavy. My oldest is borderline agoraphobic. She wants to go to art school and I would really like to fund it. I have her in therapy to hopefully get her feeling comfortable with leaving the house. Honestly I'd be happy with my family just being happy and succeeding where I failed.