Doesn't it seem odd

[slowlydyinginside]

Planning planning planning. So much planning goes into CTB. Method, place, time, etc. I've thought about it for so many years but this is the first time I've ever felt really ready. So much to think about though. I know I want it to be as peaceful as possible. But I'm going to have a lot of research to do because failure is not an option. I don't care about the money I'll have to spend. I can find places and have the time. Just really need some advice and ideas. Isn't it odd that preparing to CTB has made me feel more alive than I ever have?

 

[Tautochrome]

It's not odd, I feel the same way. It's almost exciting, like a new adventure, something that finally seems worthwhile

 

[Chemi]

I think that's fairly normal. The worst part about depression/suicidality is the hopelessness. Feeling like you are backed into a corner without an escape.
Now that you decided to CTB, you see it as a viable escape and suddenly, your situation doesn't seem that hopeless anymore. You are back in control

 

[slowlydyinginside]

I think that's fairly normal. The worst part about depression/suicidality is the hopelessness. Feeling like you are backed into a corner without an escape.
Now that you decided to CTB, you see it as a viable escape and suddenly, your situation doesn't seem that hopeless anymore. You are back in control

That's exactly it. After so long of spiraling, having control back is an amazing feeling. I still have some anxiety but I've never felt more ready.