Does This Site Sometimes Have The Reverse Effect For You?

[hangyullove]

I get that we are all here for incredibly nuanced reasons. Although when I read through some things such as people self-harming so bad the irritation from the clot kills them and horrible conditions about hypoxia fails (as well as what happens after a failed attempt) I feel more and more discouraged. My parents spoil me, I'm in a program with scholarships, but I'm schizophrenic due to being raised in a cult and my vanity has controlled my life since childhood that it makes life seemingly unbearable sometimes. But when I read about all of these conditions something in me wants to hang on... like it's a reverse effect. Even with SN and all of the resources reading through this gives me a... will to live? I don't want to sound haughty or anything but I just wanted to know if anyone felt the same

I think that I romanticize suicide as a solution to all of my problems but I fear the idea of a hell and purgatory as well. It seems like it would be helpful but once you see all the grisly details with the resources here I realize that maybe complacency isn't as bad as actually carrying out the method itself

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I feel the same way as you. This website has actually made me less suicidal because, once reading goodbye threads, all the details of methods, the difficulty in accessing them, the kind of people that actually attempt to ctb, I started to feel it was probably not my time.

I still have some good things in my life, very few but they exist, and this website as made me think about those more for some reason.

Following the goodbye threads and sometimes knowing about family reactions to the person that ctb can change one's perspective. I know that the story of a man who's wife ctb with the exit bag really touched me deeply and it was the biggest thing making me reevaluate ctb. Because I didn't want my boyfriend to become like that husband, feeling like ctb because his wife did so and they had such a lovely romance.

I'm pleased to see I'm not alone in this

 

[DeletedAccount0864]

I'd say it does to some extent. Being able to read about other's suffering and freely talk about my own (even though, I've been a little hesitant so far), has been therapeutic in some way to me. Offline, if you say "I intend to end my life" to almost anyone, your situation will likely be made worse by being institutionalized or something (for most people this is a horrible experience).

The funny thing about it all is, there are so many people in this world who are experiencing the desire to end their lives, and so many who actually do every year. Yet, these things are kind-of hidden from us. Of course, anyone can read statistics and all that, but people rarely do, and numbers have very little effect on people's thinking, so people just ignore it. This forum, however, puts it on full display, actually showing the thoughts of people who catch the bus. I think this is the primary reason many national governments want this site banned or have banned it already. It reveals that the reality of things is so bad that tens or even hundreds of thousands want to die. The idea that they actually care about people is laughable.

 

[Abandoned Character]

In my darker moments, I have used this forum to shout into the void without consequence and to that end it is very useful. Oddly enough, reading the intense pain of others puts my own struggling in perspective. The compassion I experience towards people on this site actually helps me feel a little bit more compassion for myself. I feel more patient with myself. I am not sure if all of this is part of the natural ebb and flow of the suicidal ideation, but I do feel like my mental state has improved since I first visited here. Thanks for sharing.

 

[mortuarymary]

This page as so many characteristics. It's helped me and I hope I've helped other with advise.
I have no desire to CTB but support those that do. I get good and bad days like everyone. Yesterday was bad. Today, not so. But yesterday I helped someone on here.
No one persuades another to CTB here. If you think that, better delete your profile.