Discussion Does Anyone Know You Contemplate Suicide

[Celerity]

My biggest regret is that I told my mom how I feel a few years back. Now, she's extremely paranoid about it and will even blow up my phone if I take too long to come home. It's getting to the point where I'm going to have to start lying about where I go and what I do.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate but in my case it's even worse because everybody knows I'm suicidal due to my failed attempt.
Now, they think I'm okay but there's some kind of mistrust and they're right. I might ctb anytime soon lol.

 

[MYStERY_Man]

No. They might think I contemplate mass murder, though. So not any better.

 

[ExhaustedExistence]

My family doesn't know about it, but I told my friends about it on chat recently. It was like a joke "Lets commit mass suicide!" And they were like "Yeah!" And then I said "I mean it seriously..." And they agreed. I don't know if they are really suicidal like me or not. Maybe I've made them suicidal.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

No - nobody knows and I do not want them to.

 

[loopylou]

Yep everybody who knows me knows. Then I will do it and say ' oh I wish I knew , I wish she reached out'

fuck all the way off !!! ;)

 

[suicidesheep31]

I recently discuss with my mother about euthanasia. She replied that she will not agree if it is due to a mental complain.
I felt guilty to say it. Overall she knows I am not feeling well since several years.
My therapist also knows it. I don't want to hide it because i just what that they understand why I wish to go in this direction.
But obviously they don't understand. I have the luck to not be sanctioned while expressing my plans.

 

[Passersby]

Yes. One old friend I have told and he is cool and excepting of it, although I'm still not quite sure if he completely takes me seriously. I also told person A and person B but again I don't think it really registers that this is for real with them either. Wont tell anybody else though. For the most part though I haven't told hardly anybody I guess you could say but I am also isolated and don't converse with a lot so there's that.

 

[nolongerhuman]

Most of the people I know know nothing. Of those that do there are two camps: the camp that knows I wanted to die in the past but doesn't think I want to anymore and the camp that knows I still think about it every day but doesn't think I'll actually do it.

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

My mother and my best friend. They know it's more of an escape mechanism for me than a literal plan though. At least.. right now it is. Shit's okay for now.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

lol my faulty brain misunderstood the question and I answered something unrelated.

but regarding the question, yes most of my family knows because I have a hard time keeping my suicidality to myself. When I'm in agony I tend to beg them to help me die and try to convince them into a pro choice position. A part of me insists that they will somehow be convinced and help me get euthanasia, but I know that won't happen. I really need to stop making suicidal comments and keep them to myself

 

[Squiddy]

A lot of my family and friends know as I can be an open book at times, but they don't know just how serious it can get (me having SN on me knowing I can leave whenever which helps).

 

[wait.what]

A lot of people close to me know. It's something I normally keep to myself, but I've been alerting family and close friends lately. I don't want them to have to play the "what if" game once I'm gone. You know, "If only he'd told me! Then maybe I could have done X! Or Y! Or Z!!" I want them to know that I do not have a thing that anyone knows how to cure, and that is nobody's fault. I want to give them the chance to say whatever they want to say, in order to increase the chances they will feel some peace after I'm gone.

It's really not so different from other situations where people have incurable illnesses. I really find it stupid and discouraging that people can grasp the idea that something like COPD is irreversible and life-shortening, even though we know a fair amount about human lungs, but they cannot accept that medical science cannot easily cure all conditions that involve the neurological and endocrine systems, about which we know next to nothing. Honestly, I'm probably wasting my time in trying to arrange for a "goodbye" period, since all anyone will do is tell me to try chair yoga or write a "gratitude list," lol. At least I can feel like I did my due diligence though, and was as fair as I could be to people who will be negatively affected by my death.

 

[purple꿈]

my friends and my gf knows. they always try to help me and calm me down,, I'm really grateful for it. my father might know ?? as he saw me with my wrists cut a few years back. he never really said or did anything though

 

[SheJumped]

My family hasn't a clue, two close friends however know I battle with mental health issues and will check in on me. One has told me they're just waiting for a call about me someday.

 

[Racetotheabyss]

I told my parent about wanting to CTB, but I was told that I didn't have the balls to do it. Haven't talked about it since then since I'm not looking for attention or sympathy. I just hope my parent does not regret dismissing it like that when I CTB.

 

[BehindTheWall]

Nobody knows. For my family, my friends, my colleagues and my gf i'm happy and have only disappointment from time to time.

 

[plough22]

Yes family know but they now think I'm cured, don't talk about it. It's disappeared, I don't mind. Wish it was easier to ctb. I wish an end

 

[Toptock]

Lol yeah, but anytime i talk about it I get told that everybody else feels the same way. Whats the point of trying to talk about it? Its either:
A. Everyone feels the same way
Or
B. Why so serious, joker? Just get laid

So i don't talk to anyone

 

[RowdyH999]

Yep. My best friend knows I'm planning it. He won't tell my wife. He said just hit him up to hang out one last time before I go so we can bullshit.

 

[LetMeGoPlease]

No. They might think I contemplate mass murder, though. So not any better.

I feel you. The funny thing is that treating someone as a murderer is actually what helps create the murderer.

 

[Ennail]

yes everyone knows here. My husband, friends, doctor, psychiatrist, housing counseling. they all say the same "I don't want you to go but I get it"

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

The funny thing is that treating someone as a murderer is actually what helps create the murderer.

 

[Delia]

Most people im friends with know i "used to be" suicidal. Though recently a friend of mine told me out of fear and sadness that she contemplated suicide, i often try to put on a brave and a chill compusure with her cause i dont want her to know that im a mess 90% of the time, but when she said that i had to imply i was in the same situation since what makes her suicidal is what makes me suicidal too in some way more or less... It was subtle cause i dont want her to freak out and i coaxed her with stuff like "i know how it feels cause we're in the same situation so you know im not kidding, but listen if you do that i'd be sad. In the meantime i'll do whatever it takes to help you go through this situation" Or something like that.

 

[Trisolaris]

My family and my psychiatrist know about it.

 

[kohaku]

My parents know how I'm going to kill myself because I've already tried once. They just probably won't expect it by the time I'm supposed to do it in August.

Sad thing is, I told my (mutual) crush about the plan. He didn't comment much about it and I'm glad because I just don't want him to worry. He gets suicidal sometimes too but he's apparently never had an actual suicide attempt like I have.

 

[Nexuno]

Yes, but most of the people firmly believes that if you openly say you are suicidal then you're just an attention seeker.

In my particular case I think no one cares one way or another though; my personal collection of people who said to me that I should take my life include my mother, one of my best friends and a psychiatrist I talked to years ago.

 

[Everybody_yells]

I had to disclose my suicidal intentions to 3 different people due to different circumstances. And funnily enough the responses were different too.

1. To my parents: When things were going beyond worse, I recently disclosed to my parents my depressive state and how their actions have largely contributed to my current situation, reaching as close to ctb. Well, instead of an understanding parent, I saw an arrogant and egoistic mum who was reluctant to admit how her narcissistic behavior had torn down her son. She instead of listening to my plight, rather blamed all the fault on me saying it was because of how immature and less obedient I have been. Well...!

2. To my ex: This was the second last person I disclosed to because her actions too were contributing to my misery and I thought she could lower her expectations down for 1 second. But apparently she shouted back at me, but claimed that is because she loved me to the core and cannot imagine seeing a life without me.. Lol, and here I am dumped by her.

3. To my best childhood friend: Now this was the first person I vented off to. He and I haven't been in too much contact, but we knew each other since we were 8 or something. When my depression sky rocketed and I had rope in my hands, I happened to read in one of the recovery sites to talk to at least one person you trust before resolving into the final act. I figured I had nothing to loose, what more could come if I just talk to him and I did. But this guy, he intently listened, for like hours, did not judge me, but rather comforted and from that day cares for me in a recon manner. He does not suffocate me asking about my whereabouts but includes me in whatever activity possible for me so that I don't feel left out.

I am not saying the other two were completely terrible. Perhaps they reacted because their side of actions contributed to the situation I were in. But its interesting to notice how one can handle a crisis situation.

 

[TessB]

Yes firstly my husband knows, and we both have this app life 360 on our phones so he always knows where I am all the time etc. I told my parents last year and they didn't believe me and didn't even care! Which sort of sucked. My best friend knows, the mental health team know, and my oldest daughter knows and she actually blocked all contact with me which seriously made it a million times worse.

 

[Lucien]

You mentioned trying stand-up in one post..