Does anyone look back at a moments in your past where you felt like things weren't going right for you and how you were depressed and now look back and think of how you had it so good back then and how dumb or immature you were to feel that way because compared to now you had it so good, I kick myself in the head now and say if only I could go back to those times things were so good, I'd give anything to go back to those moments and it only causes me more pain to go back to think back on those memories. Am I alone in feeling this way?
Honestly always. I hope one day those days return where my biggest complain was a boy not texting me back or some other dumb shit.
I wish so badly I could go back to those days and I get you with the boy not texting back thing..
Yes. This is why I feel especially pained when young people here vent and are considering to ctb. I feel that lingering in that headspace too long during late adolescence / young adulthood has drastic repercussions. I wish I could give my younger self an epic pep talk.
heliophobic
Memento Mori
- Jan 29, 2024
- 99
Absolutely. Once there was a boy I met in 96 that I was so enamored with that I literally fell backwards when I first set eyes on him. I finally won him over in 99. He wrote me poetry, sent me cds, and we would call each other on the phone whenever possible because he went to college in Boston and I was 18 and still living in our hometown. Instead of being happy that I finally got my wonderwall, my borderline personality disorder ruined everything when his mom and I went up to Boston to move his things at his apartment into his dorm. I won't get into all of the gory details, but he ended things after that and I never got over him. He'll always be the most gorgeous, intelligent, amazing man I've ever met and I fucked it all up. We were even friends up until my mid-20s when something happened that made him block me everywhere and to this day I have zero clue what happened. There were a lot of great experiences in the 90s that my mopey ass screwed up though.
vanillamilkshakes
Aspiring Corpse
- Aug 26, 2024
- 114
pthnrdnojvsc
Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
- Aug 12, 2019
- 2,465
i never had it good. i was just brainwashed to not see the hell reality is just reacting like a programmed machine. when i started questioning and thinking why do i have to work so hard for what ? then i started to realize that there is no reason to work or to suffer or to risk even more extreme pain at all. nothing matters.
There is no reason to do any of the garbage they tell you must do . no one can now convince me that i have to do anything even live . or that i should want to do anything or that i have to believe anything at all.
for example society says life is a beautiful gift. i don't agree. also society seems to suggest that having children is good or nothing wrong with that . now to me i would never want to have children and never did. no one can convince me that i should or that i should think that is important. And now in some countries the birth rates are declining rapidly so some don't see that as objectively important either. but to me everything is meaningless and worthless . life is meaningless suffering.
No one can convince me that anything is objectively good ,important , valuable or that i should like something .
All i want is to avoid unbearable pain and to suicide asap to non-existence
There is no reason to do any of the garbage they tell you must do . no one can now convince me that i have to do anything even live . or that i should want to do anything or that i have to believe anything at all.
for example society says life is a beautiful gift. i don't agree. also society seems to suggest that having children is good or nothing wrong with that . now to me i would never want to have children and never did. no one can convince me that i should or that i should think that is important. And now in some countries the birth rates are declining rapidly so some don't see that as objectively important either. but to me everything is meaningless and worthless . life is meaningless suffering.
No one can convince me that anything is objectively good ,important , valuable or that i should like something .
All i want is to avoid unbearable pain and to suicide asap to non-existence
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nihilistic_dragon
Specialist
- Aug 6, 2024
- 370
I'm sorry you're going through this suffering. I absolutely hate the expression that life is a gift, bullshit, life is torture.
Life is a curse
escape_from_hell
Specialist
- Feb 22, 2024
- 352
Yes there were times past where things were better and yet I was miserable and ungrateful.
Just when you learn to appreciate is when nature takes it away.
Wisdom is a cruel joke. Lessons to live a better life that is past, and does not apply as well to the future due to the ever-changing nature of the world and our circumstances.
At one point I did get pretty sharp and milked things nicely. But it was temporary. I'm glad I did but it doesn't help now. Pain is just more potent!
You could live a rich megastar kickass life for 99 years and it will be as dull and distant as what you had for breakfast last year today when in your 100th year your health finally fails and your loved ones are dead. Moment to moment.
Do not feel bad though, I think some of us humans have this biology...wired to be discontent to keep us chasing hard for survival purposes maybe. I also suspect this baseline discontent and pissy ungratefulness level is different from person to person genetically, though we can all practice gratitude a little bit. So, some will just feel better and not stress the small stuff easier. If that's not you, start by working on not beating yourself up over the past as much (easier said than done). The happy go lucky will have their misery too, and we will all die and it won't matter anyway--it'll be on to the next version of hell. Yay.
Just when you learn to appreciate is when nature takes it away.
Wisdom is a cruel joke. Lessons to live a better life that is past, and does not apply as well to the future due to the ever-changing nature of the world and our circumstances.
At one point I did get pretty sharp and milked things nicely. But it was temporary. I'm glad I did but it doesn't help now. Pain is just more potent!
You could live a rich megastar kickass life for 99 years and it will be as dull and distant as what you had for breakfast last year today when in your 100th year your health finally fails and your loved ones are dead. Moment to moment.
Do not feel bad though, I think some of us humans have this biology...wired to be discontent to keep us chasing hard for survival purposes maybe. I also suspect this baseline discontent and pissy ungratefulness level is different from person to person genetically, though we can all practice gratitude a little bit. So, some will just feel better and not stress the small stuff easier. If that's not you, start by working on not beating yourself up over the past as much (easier said than done). The happy go lucky will have their misery too, and we will all die and it won't matter anyway--it'll be on to the next version of hell. Yay.
I keep thinking about it!! I thought I had it bad like a year ago!!! But I've been feeling much worse now!! And the funny thing is that things can get even worse and I'm f**king freaking out inside!!
Thank you I agree with many of the things you said especially that when we learn to appreciate things in an instant the cruel universe takes it away.
But my problem is that it hurts me so bad when the memories of what I know now were good times, come flashing down on me….. I appreciate your insight..
divinemistress36
Visionary
- Jan 1, 2024
- 2,793
Yes! When you are young you think heart ache and loosing a job is the worst thing that can happen . Loosing your health and sanity is worse!
MUCH MUCH WORSE. We take our health/pain/sanity for granted till we lose it!!!
