at first i attempted to get my life back into a positive light by making the effort not to isolate myself, and i succeeded, but things around me are worsening, and my mind brought me back here. so yes, i go to parties, i give advice, i'm a hypocrite of shit. people believe i've overcome my issues, my problems and the way i used to push people away is no more, i'm sincere, i promise i am, but i can't imagine what they will think, if betrayed, disbelief, confusion, once i leave this life behind, and them as well, even after being of such trust to them… people usually believe they're a lot closer to me than i really do. it saddens me because i still love and care for them, but i couldn't really sulk in my sadness anymore i made my effort, for people around me to see me better, but also for myself. even in the end, i think i'll still be the hand at my own doom.