Do you keep your normal life going through your suicidal ideation?

[prototypian]

I do. I manage work and life and stuff while I am also suicidal al the time. I can still do work and keep up the house even though I feel like I want to die. Outwardly I don't seem happy but I am at least able to do things.

Lately I've been getting closer to really believe in g that nothing matters at all.

 

[SleepingBliss]

I do, but mainly not to clue people to what I'm planning, though I do become a bit more reckless with work, taking days of etc but unfortuantly I do have to keep up the charade of needing money

 

[droppedmysyrup]

I sometimes can but, as of the last 2 months I haven't really left my house I have spent less time with people and have lost most will to do anything. Thankfully I don't have a job or live independently so I can do absolutely nothing I believe if I lived on my own I'd end up homeless. I can't even do basic tasks like shower brush my teeth how am I supposed to maintain a job or work relationships .

 

[fleetingnight]

I try to. It's my goal to get by with no one knowing I'm in a bad place, but I'm not as good at hiding my feelings as I wish I was. It's frustrating.

 

[KillingPain267]

No

 

[Placo]

Absolutely not, but in the past I was more capable of doing it.

 

[catnowmeowmeow]

It's getting harder and harder, I feel myself getting more reckless and I just want to lie around all day

 

[TomorrowNeverComes]

In a way. It's not a good thing but I've always been good at hiding how I really feel.
The only time I've felt like I broke was the other week when I couldn't take it anymore and I left everyone I know behind and moved away. I didn't say anything, but I pretty much alluded that I was planning to do something stupid.

 

[leaftomb]

I try my best to, at least for the people around me. I don't have anything going on right now so I rot in bed anyway, but I guess I did use to skip classes more often when I got more suicidal. Sometimes it was just too much to handle at once and felt a bit pointless. I tried not to make it too obvious tho, I don't want anyone to worry.

 

[prototypian]

I don't like to burden my family with the problems because I'm just not willing to try the steps to make up cognitive examples about the world being filled with sunshine and poodles and balloon animals so that I somehow feel better. That hasn't worked and the combination of that and "why do you think that is?" From a therapist just doesn't work for me.

So I keep the family and friends in the dark. The truth is that I don't see any aspect of the world ever getting better.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, certain things. I still work and support myself. I live alone so, not a huge amount of choice there really- I doubt I'd qualify for benefits and my parents would give me such a guilt trip if I needed to rely on them.

I more or less look after myself ok. My house is disgusting though. I feel embarassed when other people see it but, at the same time, I don't care enough to do anything about it. I really just do the bare minimum domestically.

 

[etherealspring]

I do, but I don't know if I can handle it for much longer. I've gotten worse at looking after myself because even small things like eating just feels like a burden to me.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Sure, since my "normal" life is no life at all. Not hard to keep that going.

 

[LiveOrganization97]

I do, 'cause nobody understands. They either get annoyed or scared. But mostly, 'cause while I'm here it would make me feel so much worse to think that all that I'm leaving behind is just this shell of a person who conceded defeat and never did anything good at all. Although when I'm really, really low, I do wallow in the absolute certainty of having failed at everything I ever tried.

I push myself to do things I really don't wanna do in the hope that eventually they'll make me feel better. They don't. Then I do it not to give in to defeat. Then I feel defeated. Then I do it 'cause I want people not to suspect anything. Eventually somebody realizes what's going on. It doesn't change anything.

This time around tho I'm not posting sad memes, I'm not being unhinged online other than in spaces where I know nobody will look. I expressed my hopelessness and I don't think anybody got a picture of how serious I am with what I said about wanting to end it. Therefore I'm done. I can't keep doing this, but I will until the very end. I wanna be irreprehensible. When my time comes I'll be able to tell myself and others I did give it all I had. I'll have a nice rest.

 

[thebelljarrr]

My normal life is being suicidal & reckless, it's a cycle I have no energy for. I can't do anything because I always have this "fuck it Im gonna die". And also have "fuck this I want to die" because I can't do anything….

 

[darkandtwisty]

For the most part, yes. I have a dark sense of humor so that helps. When I'm being a little morbid, it's not taken seriously.

 

[esistzeit]

It's been really hard to these past couple of months. Since I'm doing it next month everything feels so meaningless. I'm pretty much just laying around all day waiting for my SN to arrive. I feel more worthless than ever.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

My life is facade pretty much.

 

[droppedmysyrup]

I try to. It's my goal to get by with no one knowing I'm in a bad place, but I'm not as good at hiding my feelings as I wish I was. It's frustrating.

well there's always people who are doing worse pat yourself on the back for all you're doing for yourself right now and be proud . I'm proud of you for even trying

 

[Balloon ANIMAL🎈🪅]

I do, but mainly not to clue people to what I'm planning, though I do become a bit more reckless with work, taking days of etc but unfortuantly I do have to keep up the charade of needing money

SAME!.
That is exactly what I've been going through. At first I wasn't masking how I felt & obviously was showing red flags because someone expressed concern, it took all night to convince them that everything was fine. Now, I just pretend and hide all my Internet history because I don't want anyone to "help" when the time comes ya know. Just waiting for enough money left to get supplies

 

[Minsu]

I try to at least. But my anxiety, depression, insomnia (I sleep max 3h at night) make it so hard in everyday life

 

[Gangrel]

Yeah, try to live as normal as i can but it's always there at night specially. Sucks but what else can you do.

 

[heavyeyes]

My life was never normal but in terms of my own normal I try. It takes an enormous amount of effort to do anything at all. I'm constantly in survival mode

 

[Balloon ANIMAL🎈🪅]

Yeah, try to live as normal as i can but it's always there at night specially. Sucks but what else can you do.

For real tho

 

[fleetingnight]

well there's always people who are doing worse pat yourself on the back for all you're doing for yourself right now and be proud . I'm proud of you for even trying

That's really sweet, thank you<3

 

[dinosavr]

Yes, but it's getting harder and harder. One step further and I'm out, there's a chance I will lose my job.

 

[Meowmeownextweek]

I've tried but lately I can't. My depression has been getting worse and worse and it's affected my work and my relationships. Today was my first shower in around 5 days :(
It's why I know that my end is near, it's only a matter of time.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Nothing about my life has ever been normal, but relatively speaking, yes.

 

[prototypian]

I go to work every day, I see my family, I sit quietly and listen to them. I just stopped telling anyone how bad I feel because it doesn't get better

 

[loslassen]

at first i attempted to get my life back into a positive light by making the effort not to isolate myself, and i succeeded, but things around me are worsening, and my mind brought me back here. so yes, i go to parties, i give advice, i'm a hypocrite of shit. people believe i've overcome my issues, my problems and the way i used to push people away is no more, i'm sincere, i promise i am, but i can't imagine what they will think, if betrayed, disbelief, confusion, once i leave this life behind, and them as well, even after being of such trust to them… people usually believe they're a lot closer to me than i really do. it saddens me because i still love and care for them, but i couldn't really sulk in my sadness anymore i made my effort, for people around me to see me better, but also for myself. even in the end, i think i'll still be the hand at my own doom.