Do friends or family know you want to die?

[dust-in-the-wind]

I'm the worst I've ever been right now and not functional and bedridden with MDD. I have lost hope of ever getting better as I have tried so many treatments(even ECT). I want to die and I've told my family this over and over as I am trying to prepare them. My death would especially destroy my mother and sister but not sure how much longer I can hold on. Quite a sad conundrum. I continue to suffer or I cause suffering to those I love.

 

[pain6batch9]

No, I lied when the subject came up.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Not in the true real capacity, I've long ago stopped attempting to potentially alert people to my plans, no matter how bad I feel. Completely not a flex, it's like living a double life, one that faces those people and the one I control, where I can starve and plan to die in peace.

 

[celestialsloth]

i probably tell someone that it's on my mind maybe once every few months, but they all know. i used to be very open about it. not so much anymore just bc there's no catharsis in it anymore, it's just upsetting for them to hear and doesn't make me feel any less burdened by it to share

 

[uniqueusername4]

My friends know enough to where they wont be shocked. but they don't know details about how/when or if it is going to even happen. They just know I am depressed and have attempted in the past, and I am self isolating which is a sign of an attempt. It seems they are able to forget about it though and go on with their lives. Similar to how it will be after I am dead.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

My friends know enough to where they wont be shocked. but they don't know details about how/when or if it is going to even happen. They just know I am depressed and have attempted in the past, and I am self isolating which is a sign of an attempt. It seems they are able to forget about it though and go on with their lives. Similar to how it will be after I am dead.

Yes I think my friends will easily go on with their lives too.

 

[Seered Doom]

They know, but....

Family doesn't care until it's an inconvenience for them like when I actively have an episode and act out. As for friends, I just don't speak on it too much since I already vent too much anyway.

 

[-Link-]

Personally, I don't "want to die" at this time. However, I do view "death at my own undertaking" as an inevitability at some point. My family is aware of my suicidality as it is a difficult thing to hide through involuntary hospitalization and the persistent nothing-happening state of my life. Only very rarely do they ever directly approach the subject with me, although I'm guessing it is on their mind more than they would let on.

I'm the worst I've ever been right now and not functional and bedridden with MDD. I have lost hope of ever getting better as I have tried so many treatments(even ECT). I want to die and I've told my family this over and over as I am trying to prepare them. My death would especially destroy my mother and sister but not sure how much longer I can hold on. Quite a sad conundrum. I continue to suffer or I cause suffering to those I love.

I am very sorry you are dealing with this. MDD is one of my main problems as well, and I've done so many different medications and treatments only to maintain a steady downward spiral in life. So I know what it is, very much.

Wishing you as best as can be under these circumstances.

 

[SpeckofDust]

I used to be open about suicidal ideation, but I ended up losing several long term friends and therapists. My pyschologist dropping me as a patient after 15 years was the most surprising. I believe that most humans cannot handle the thought of another human wanting to die, no matter the reasons.

As a side note, now that I have very few friends left, no professionals, and no family, I am on my own this time (suicide), and although it feels isolating and sad to go through it alone, I have no choice.

I wish you the best of outcomes, DITW!

 

[greeneyedgirl]

No. If my friends and family did know Id be in the psych ward at our local hospital. It's best that they don't know, I don't want my family worried about me.

 

[Rev346]

Nope but it wouldn't surprise me if a couple people would guess. I'm usually really good at putting on a happy face and I'm usually a support pillar. I think one person may know based on some things I've said but otherwise I'm very locked down.

 

[Soupster]

Mine know, but don't actually know if that makes any sense. They've been told, witnessed the aftermath of my attempts, etc, but cognitively it hasn't really set in and become real for them.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Yeah they do, but they also know I'm quite a lazy coward so they don't have to worry much, for now.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Ha. No. There's literally no one to know.

 

[yoshizoom]

Of course they do. I tell em almost everyday. How or the when, they are not sure. I'm not so sure either, but I can feel it coming soon. I can't take this anymore, but my family clings onto hope that things do get better for me, even though I know it probably won't.

 

[nobob]

Yes, and they no longer object to it the same way they used to. They see how debilitating my condition is, and that I have no quality of life. The hospital inject me with long lasting drugs every month, and the drugs make me lay awake at night.

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

They do. I'm fortunate to have had friends who understand and accept my decision. My only remaining friend has known for a while and so whenever I finally do CTB, it won't be much of a surprise. My family also is very much aware, and they also accept it but don't necessarily like it. So in that regard, I am lucky, since I've seen some absolute nightmare stories here of betrayal and backstabbing by one's friends or family. It is a major risk opening up to people close to you, but if you win the gamble, I suppose it's a net benefit. You're no longer sneaking off the Earth like a thief into the night, and it'll soften the blow when the time finally does come for you.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

When I was in very bad states I've revealed to friends and my mother that I might kms. However. that wasn't a statement out of nowhere it was a lot related to the current situation and heated atmosphere of the discussion. Only my mom really takes it serious - she'd not survive me CTB - and that make sit even harder to go through with it. Friends didn't take me really serious (well a usual reaction imo).

Currently, my situation isn't that bad an if things don't become worse I won't CTB any time soon.

 

[Hoga]

No

 

[Olek Messier 87]

I've never even mentioned this topic with anyone in my whole life, at the point that I apparently don't seem depressed at all; but I don't know why, I couldn't help myself but tell my wife about it, which I probably shouldn't have.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No, why on earth would I ever tell my family that I'm suicidal!? I want to be dead. I don't want to stay alive. There's no good reason as to why I should tell them

 

[msesis]

yea but they do not care

 

[FuneralCry]

My wish to die is personal, being open about it wouldn't bring me the peace I search for, it wouldn't give me the means to eternally free myself from this existence that brought me nothing but pain and was always so deeply undesirable in the first place, I never should have suffered in this existence at all.

 

[IwantHappiness]

I'm the worst I've ever been right now and not functional and bedridden with MDD. I have lost hope of ever getting better as I have tried so many treatments(even ECT). I want to die and I've told my family this over and over as I am trying to prepare them. My death would especially destroy my mother and sister but not sure how much longer I can hold on. Quite a sad conundrum. I continue to suffer or I cause suffering to those I love.

I'm gonna ctb because of them

 

[Daxter777]

My friend knoes and my mom knows. And i can see it eating my mom up. She has voiced that she is afraid to come to my place and she will find my corpse. My mum is sweet and i don't want to traumatise her like that. But i also want to die so it leaves me in a situation where I don't know what to do

 

[banger12]

Ofc I lie about it for the most part, but there are a couple friends that I've given partial admissions to. And although I completely lie to them about it and don't tell them shit about the subject, I'm certain my dad and one of my brothers are aware, but I just haven't given them anything concrete to act on. Plus I think they're unaware of how active my suicidality really is at this point and think it's more passive. Dad in particular will be devastated, but neither him or my brother will be surprised, nor will my friends. My youngest brother will be both, and that deeply saddens me, but he's young, he'll survive and adapt and he has a very bright future ahead of him.

 

[-Toplox-]

Yeah the majority of them know but they've just accepted it because they know there's nothing else they can do. Think my mom is the only one who really understands (as much as she can) I don't think she'll be upset with me. She knows I never wanted life. She'll be upset, but not at me.

 

[Steff1337]

My parents know, but I've been like that for years...

 

[DoneWithThisLife]

My reason for needing to CTB is my family's betrayal. They don't know but they will as I have prepared a suicide note especially for them. My husband knows I've been suicidal for a long time but doesn't believe it. He just says 'don't be silly' or ' you wouldn't do that to me'. I see no point in trying to convince him because no-one can truly understand the emotional pain of being suicidal except others who are or have been in that exact same place.

 

[JessIsAlive]

I'm the worst I've ever been right now and not functional and bedridden with MDD. I have lost hope of ever getting better as I have tried so many treatments(even ECT). I want to die and I've told my family this over and over as I am trying to prepare them. My death would especially destroy my mother and sister but not sure how much longer I can hold on. Quite a sad conundrum. I continue to suffer or I cause suffering to those I love.

I think many of us are in the same position "continue to suffer or cause suffering to those we love." I am feeling the same way, but I dread the future more and more. I know suicide is selfish, but nothing gets better for me. I wish I could disappear without hurting my family