Venting Ctbing with my sister in couple of days. I need some feedback please 🙏

[agony1996]

I'm going to ctb along with my sister in the next 2 days I'm terrified my heart is absolutely shattered when thinking about doing this to my 82 year old mom. I don't want to talk about all the emotional stuff I'm already crying my eyes out. I have this huge knot in my throat I'm also terrified of dying, the act of dying and things going wrong, what if one of us survives. Anyway too much ch to think about and it's all so painful so all I would like to talk about because I'm so scared, is what you guys think is going to happen after death?
Do you think we'll be reunited with our loved ones? That will give me a tiny bit of ease if that's at all possible. I just really want feedback, please I feel so lonely in this…. What do you guys think?
I still can't believe it's going to happen it's so surreal, so sad. Sorry I know I keep getting off topic. Please someone give me some feedback

 

[iamanavalanche]

i think ill get to see the people i love at their happiest and most peaceful. at least i deeply hope so

 

[MxTuesday]

Your mum will be absolutely devastated no two ways about that, and you sound very uncertain about it. You don't have to ctb now and not doing it now doesn't mean the option is gone for the future. You just sound so unsure.
To be blunt, at 82 your mum probably doesn't have ages left, could you wait it out or are things really awful for you right now?

 

[AllTheseQuestions]

If one of you survives then depending on where you live you will be looking at legal charges.

You say it's too much to think about, but you have to think about all of it in order to come to a conclusion. I really am sorry to sound so blunt because I feel your distress in your post, but it really does all need to be considered.

 

[maniac116]

Personal opinion: I wouldn't do it. It sounds like it's not time yet.
No judgement.
I hope that in the end you find a a place of love & peace, whatever you choose to do

 

[agony1996]

i think ill get to see the people i love at their happiest and most peaceful. at least i deeply hope so

Me too

Your mum will be absolutely devastated no two ways about that, and you sound very uncertain about it. You don't have to ctb now and not doing it now doesn't mean the option is gone for the future. You just sound so unsure.
To be blunt, at 82 your mum probably doesn't have ages left, could you wait it out or are things really awful for you right now?

Another thing as crazy and selfish as this sounds me and my sister don't have the strength, the heart to do arch my mom pass, I can't even think about it without breaking down, we wouldn't be able to stand a second of that pain but on the other hand we're going to put her through that pain. I know it might not make sense and I may sound so selfish and I'm so sorry for that

 

[MxTuesday]

Another thing as crazy and selfish as this sounds me and my sister don't have the strength, the heart to do arch my mom pass, I can't even think about it without breaking down, we wouldn't be able to stand a second of that pain but on the other hand we're going to put her through that pain. I know it might not make sense and I may sound so selfish and I'm so sorry for that

It doesn't sound selfish it sounds sad and complicated. I'm just really bothered by how uncertain you sound. Whatever you have committed to do with your sister does have to be what happens. Are you feeling stuck because you have said that you will ctb with her?

 

[agony1996]

It doesn't sound selfish it sounds sad and complicated. I'm just really bothered by how uncertain you sound. Whatever you have committed to do with your sister does have to be what happens. Are you feeling stuck because you have said that you will ctb with her?

Yes in a way I'm feeling like you said there's complications involved ctbing with my sister not just legal but emotionally what if she goes before me, I couldn't stand the site of seeing her like that even for a second. There's so many things so many different emotions to deal with,
I'm sorry I'm just rambling

 

[MxTuesday]

Yes in a way I'm feeling like you said there's complications involved ctbing with my sister not just legal but emotionally what if she goes before me, I couldn't stand the site of seeing her like that even for a second. There's so many things so many different emotions to deal with,
I'm sorry I'm just rambling

You are not rambling it makes a lot of sense to me and I think I understand a bit though not in exactly the same way.
Being there for your sister does not mean you have to ctb with her. Also, however close you are, whatever you have said you will do/want to help her with/have been through, if you do not want to ctb you absolutely should not be.

 

[FuneralCry]

It truly is so cruel to me how there's all this suffering, I hope that you find peace from all the pain.

 

[landslide2]

Yes in a way I'm feeling like you said there's complications involved ctbing with my sister not just legal but emotionally what if she goes before me, I couldn't stand the site of seeing her like that even for a second. There's so many things so many different emotions to deal with,
I'm sorry I'm just rambling

It does not seem like you're in the best state of mind right now to make a decision about cbt, and with a sibling in the picture makes it much more difficult. Two lives in the balance, things may go wrong, and your mom will be devastated, her entire life will become only this act. I know it's hard to be strong in this world, this life. maybe you can still be there for each other. I hope you reconsider, it doesn't have to be now.