Venting crying about childhood

[chudeatte]

im sorry I keep posting here so much. I just can't say it to anyone else

I was cleaning my room and I found my learning journal (I think thats what it's called anyway) from preschool and god do I feel like shit looking through it. I was a beautiful child who actually had a life, I had things I enjoyed like music and art but now look at me. I dont like anything. but even in their observation notes they said I was shy, that I needed to engage with groups more and form friendships. I spent most time playing by myself. I guess I was doomed from the start. fuck, I just feel like shit looking back at those photos and reading all the notes of things I said, where I actually sounded happy. I looked happy too, but I looked pretty distant in the photo from my birthday. I guess thats never changed, I hate my birthday every year it comes. but I looked normal and healthy. now I look like shit. im pale, have eye bags from where I can't sleep and I have scars all over my body. I just feel so bad this is what that little girl grew up to be. im so fucked up now it's disgusting, I feel so bad. I really did fail myself. I wish I could've done better

 

[kittyloverxd]

There's no need to apologize, you can always express yourself however you want here :P

It's fine to look back and reminisce on the past and imagine how you could've been right now instead of having terrible sleep, having permanent scars that you can't erase from your body and I know how you feel right now because I'm in the same boat right now as well.. We can't change what we did in the past and from the last sentence you wrote "I wish I could've done better" seems like you still care about yourself and as long as you don't give up on yourself there'll always be time be patient with yourself it may take 1 year, 2 years, 5 years but it doesn't matter how many times you may relapse on bad habits as long as you try your best everyday to be a better person then you were yesterday you can do it I know you can ^_^

 

[chudeatte]

There's no need to apologize, you can always express yourself however you want here :P

It's fine to look back and reminisce on the past and imagine how you could've been right now instead of having terrible sleep, having permanent scars that you can't erase from your body and I know how you feel right now because I'm in the same boat right now as well.. We can't change what we did in the past and from the last sentence you wrote "I wish I could've done better" seems like you still care about yourself and as long as you don't give up on yourself there'll always be time be patient with yourself it may take 1 year, 2 years, 5 years but it doesn't matter how many times you may relapse on bad habits as long as you try your best everyday to be a better person then you were yesterday you can do it I know you can ^_^

I guess I never looked at it like that but thank you, it means a lot and you're right. I do care deep down because I know im worth more, im just messed up beyond belief I can't imagine what better even looks like

 

[kittyloverxd]

I guess I never looked at it like that but thank you, it means a lot and you're right. I do care deep down because I know im worth more, im just messed up beyond belief I can't imagine what better even looks like

Everybody overvalues other people and undervalue themselves I'm glad you know that you're worth something :3

I believe one of the most important things anyone can do is the way they talk about themselves and you said you care about yourself but you also believe you're messed up beyond belief, it may take time but try to get used to being kinder to yourself there's no need to be so harsh on yourself

Well "better" can be viewed a thousand different ways by a thousand different people and for you I believe that could be anything from having a better sleeping schedule, no more self harming, able to socialize with other people better

I like to make similarities to nature and how a lot of things tie back to plants like flowers, trees or whatever: I believe people are like flowers, regardless of how terrible their environment may be, terrible rain storms pouring. As long as they have someone look over them, take care of them, being patient with them I believe everybody can bloom into a beautiful plant