monetpompo
don't tell me to dm you (> <)
- Apr 21, 2025
- 739
i'm too insecure. i'm not a whole enough person to maintain my friendships and i often lay in bed doing nothing for hours at a time because i have no job and license. i have no way to leave the house or do anything, even when i want to do something.
my neighborhood is really safe, since it's mostly old people or parents raising in their kids here. everyone in my age range moves away or is moving away by now. all my friends from community college are talking about living in the city to go to a state university. i'm kind of losing the will to work on my driver's license because i think that i just want to hang myself. i think that i'll take me a month of weekly lessons to get my license at this rate. i think that i should stop if i genuinely don't care about getting my license anymore.
i feel like shirking my plan to go to my friend's birthday party in december to make a suicide attempt quicker. while i appreciate that he invited me and i'm already wrote him a birthday card, the suicidal thoughts are getting too hard for me to ignore these days. i keep thinking of hurting myself or ruining my relationships. i think that i might start cutting myself to have something to distract myself, but i'd have to buy a bunch of medical stuff from walgreens first. the inconvenience of it just feels tiring. i haven't had enough energy to do anything besides choke myself with my rope or strangle myself with my hands. punching my head gives me too much of a headache, but i used to do that in the past. i'm more tired than frustrated these days.
i wish that getting hit by cars was a viable method. i think about it all the time. it used to be how i imagined that i'd die as a kid, getting my body and my head run over until i'm all mangled. i can't put myself into situations like that because i could kill someone elss by making them crash their car than them killing me. i think about dying every night. i want someone to take their anger out on me and hurt me. i don't want people to think that i'm a good person when i'm a depressed loser that should get yelled at and made fun of. i want to be taken advantage of for how weak i am.
my neighborhood is really safe, since it's mostly old people or parents raising in their kids here. everyone in my age range moves away or is moving away by now. all my friends from community college are talking about living in the city to go to a state university. i'm kind of losing the will to work on my driver's license because i think that i just want to hang myself. i think that i'll take me a month of weekly lessons to get my license at this rate. i think that i should stop if i genuinely don't care about getting my license anymore.
i feel like shirking my plan to go to my friend's birthday party in december to make a suicide attempt quicker. while i appreciate that he invited me and i'm already wrote him a birthday card, the suicidal thoughts are getting too hard for me to ignore these days. i keep thinking of hurting myself or ruining my relationships. i think that i might start cutting myself to have something to distract myself, but i'd have to buy a bunch of medical stuff from walgreens first. the inconvenience of it just feels tiring. i haven't had enough energy to do anything besides choke myself with my rope or strangle myself with my hands. punching my head gives me too much of a headache, but i used to do that in the past. i'm more tired than frustrated these days.
i wish that getting hit by cars was a viable method. i think about it all the time. it used to be how i imagined that i'd die as a kid, getting my body and my head run over until i'm all mangled. i can't put myself into situations like that because i could kill someone elss by making them crash their car than them killing me. i think about dying every night. i want someone to take their anger out on me and hurt me. i don't want people to think that i'm a good person when i'm a depressed loser that should get yelled at and made fun of. i want to be taken advantage of for how weak i am.
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