L
losingsteam3141
Grad Student USA
- Aug 30, 2024
- 38
I know my parents love and support me unconditionally and that they tried their best to raise me, but I can't help but feel they made me like this and set me on a likely path to end my life. My situations I am in now stem from my childhood and teen years. My mother projected her own problems and insecurities onto me. She talked badly on my friends and their families that lead me to become antagonistic and lose many of them. She would always compare me with my friends and make everything a competition between us. My father is completely antisocial with no friends after high school and seemed to want to escape with my mother away from their home country to the US, isolating me from any meaningful family.
I am an only child and with no other sort of family close to me, grew up alone. I clearly had some problems growing up and suspect I have high-functioning autism, but being immigrant parents, they dismissed any signs they saw, simply giving me a "shy" label. My parents didn't see the importance of having some type of community around me, and seemed content on just having me focus on academics and musical instruments (which I hated). Luckily my mother realized and put me in soccer in the third grade (age 9) , so from then on I had some sort of team experience, but the lack of socialization and belonging was just too much and spread to all aspects of my life. Now it feels like all my problems have been building up leading up to a situation I am in now, where any sort of career is in jeopardy. With hundreds of thousands in debt, I won't be able to pay it back without this career and then I truly know my life is over.
I know I can't put all blame on my parents and they raised me better than many other parents do to their children, but I can't help but feel my path was set by them.
I am an only child and with no other sort of family close to me, grew up alone. I clearly had some problems growing up and suspect I have high-functioning autism, but being immigrant parents, they dismissed any signs they saw, simply giving me a "shy" label. My parents didn't see the importance of having some type of community around me, and seemed content on just having me focus on academics and musical instruments (which I hated). Luckily my mother realized and put me in soccer in the third grade (age 9) , so from then on I had some sort of team experience, but the lack of socialization and belonging was just too much and spread to all aspects of my life. Now it feels like all my problems have been building up leading up to a situation I am in now, where any sort of career is in jeopardy. With hundreds of thousands in debt, I won't be able to pay it back without this career and then I truly know my life is over.
I know I can't put all blame on my parents and they raised me better than many other parents do to their children, but I can't help but feel my path was set by them.
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