Discussion check in. how are you today?

[loslassen]

I don't come around often anymore. i'm actively suicidal and have a plan in mind, two methods to my access yet whenever I gathered the courage to say my goodbyes i was stopped in my tracks by the palpable possibility of things getting better…

they didn't. they worsened in fact, yet my outlook in life changed and my pessimism decreased, im happy every day to be loved and grateful for the friendships in my life.
but my life truly feels like it's aiming nowhere now.

how is everyone doing?

 

[Arahant]

Doing better and better I think.
Been a lot of back and forth with depression, but think I have it figured out now.

PolyVagal theory and the whole idea of activating the wholesome flock/fun/flow mode of being has given me glimpses of feeling fully human and untraumatized for the first time in... Forever, without drugs at least.

How about you, friend?
I know you gave some description, but figured I wanted to give you space to say more.
What do you need?
Is anything specific bothering you or attracting you?

 

[opheliaoveragain]

I relate to the pain of having things ready, things getting better and then the other shoe fucking dropping on you. It's not your fault. Your feelings are valid af.

I'm having dreadful PMDD stuff go on in my body right now, just trying to keep breathing????

I want out of this fuckin place.

Sending much love OP<3

 

[Danby]

Okay right now. I have good days and bad days . . . so far today is a good day. I have a method in mind--just need to purchase some things--but right now I haven't gotten to that point.

 

[GuessWhosBack]

Things are not really working out. All days are bad days.
I am debating on whether or not I should tell my therapist.

 

[loslassen]

Doing better and better I think.
Been a lot of back and forth with depression, but think I have it figured out now.

PolyVagal theory and the whole idea of activating the wholesome flock/fun/flow mode of being has given me glimpses of feeling fully human and untraumatized for the first time in... Forever, without drugs at least.

How about you, friend?
I know you gave some description, but figured I wanted to give you space to say more.
What do you need?
Is anything specific bothering you or attracting you?

I'm glad to hear other people have been finding their way to exist even in the middle of it all, realizing life is more about experience than paying taxes and bills, even though we still struggle with it, so proud of you for being still here regardless.

I'm honestly just worn out, i'm standing in the awkward middle of reliving trauma and experiencing ptsd often, but having someone to always lean on, support and company, it's complicated because even though I have bettered as a person and learned to simply live through it, my financial and health situations keep worsening, that and the ptsd, I feel i'm doing better but still feel more and more ready to ctb, does that make sense?

thanks for asking by the way <3

 

[Arahant]

I feel i'm doing better but still feel more and more ready to ctb, does that make sense?

Understand completely. The "Call of the Void" is very real.

Are you open to suggestions for healing PTSD?
Have had quite a bit myself, and found tools that actually work to permanently heal that kind of pain.
Maybe it's old news to you, but I chance asking because I know the general healthcare system sucks very hard.
I just wrote a comment about it, would you like me to tag you to it?

 

[loslassen]

Understand completely. The "Call of the Void" is very real.

Are you open to suggestions for healing PTSD?
Have had quite a bit myself, and found tools that actually work to permanently heal that kind of pain.
Maybe it's old news to you, but I chance asking because I know the general healthcare system sucks very hard.
I just wrote a comment about it, would you like me to tag you to it?

yes that would be very nice thank you, I'm always open to hearing more from other people <33

 

[Arahant]

yes that would be very nice thank you, I'm always open to hearing more from other people <33

If you are like me, you are liable to get angry about the Flash technique, because it can seem to simple and easy, compared to former therapy and the mountain of suffering from PTSD.
All I can say is, give it an honest attempt and assessment.
It really can work.

 

[M4rii]

at the moment the days are getting worse again. emptiness is an unpleasant feeling. I hope it ends soon

 

[divinemistress36]

I want to punch a wall

 

[Arahant]

I want to punch a wall

IME walls punch back. Newtons 3rd law sucks like that. Can't recommend.

What happened that made you feel like doing that?

at the moment the days are getting worse again. emptiness is an unpleasant feeling. I hope it ends soon

What did happen to make the days worse?

 

[sos]

i would like to check out please

 

[divinemistress36]

IME walls punch back. Newtons 3rd law sucks like that. Can't recommend.

What happened that made you feel like doing that?

What did happen to make the days worse?

Brain injury from an assault 7 years ago

 

[Csmith8827]

I don't know. It's so complicated living in my reality. I passed my driver's test yesterday and I'm looking at getting a car soon. Not entirely sure on what kind yet exactly. My money situation is possibly looking at getting better but like I still don't know if I'll have enough to move out on my own which is like "the dream" I guess.

I'm drinking wayyy too much and I've looked at stuff online I'm not too proud of either. NSFW stuff...

Anyway I'm really just over this reality/world I'm in. It's just overburdening and invasive and just like this evil shit basically. I haven't been eating lately either but I dunno...

It's just like I'm tired of people messing with me and playing mind games and shit. It's like I don't owe you anything and so I don't know what the hell this things problem is.

I'm just trapped in this nightmare and need to get out. This is not what life or how life is supposed to be.

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

A little tipsy, but that's every day. I'm trapped in a dead end marriage and my life is such a waste.

 

[CatLvr]

Rough day. Surgery yesterday, dogs and kittens have decided 2 am is a good time to play so no sleep so pain and bad thought are through the roof. It's a temporary situation so I'll just gut it out.

 

[awaitinglove]

i'm doing ok. The only thing I'm looking forward to is getting black out drunk so I can numb my pain for a few hours.

 

[M4rii]

IME walls punch back. Newtons 3rd law sucks like that. Can't recommend.

What happened that made you feel like doing that?

What did happen to make the days worse?

I've been sitting in my room for 8 years and doing nothing other than sitting in front of the PC. Now I sought help for the first time and was immediately disappointed.

Somehow therapists always just try to get me back to work instead of helping me with my problems

 

[Soupster]

Today has not been great. I can't actually think of the last day I felt good. The last few days have been particularly crummy as a long time friend basically said I was being too needy and they needed a break 'for a couple of days'. I've been respectful and they've made no effort to restore communication after more than a couple of days. So I guess I'm glad they're doing better?

 

[Arahant]

I've been sitting in my room for 8 years and doing nothing other than sitting in front of the PC. Now I sought help for the first time and was immediately disappointed.

Somehow therapists always just try to get me back to work instead of helping me with my problems

Relatable. Most therapists simply suck, it's the sorry truth.

If you would like to talk about what bothers you that had you seek a therapist, maybe I or the forum can offer you a second opinion on what modality to try and what goals to set.
Am no professional, but IME shifting from talk therapy to trauma effective has made all the difference.
DMs are always open if you prefer that.

 

[CatLvr]

Better than yesterday. Except for I'm up WAY too early this morning. I didn't move around much yesterday so I need to get up and get a few things done today. But I'm NOT getting up until the sun comes out, dammit.

I have one dog snoring at my feet, another laying on his bed. The two old cats are sound asleep -- one in a laundry basket full of old towels. That is HER bed. Lol The other in the garage on his bed. He doesn't like the AC. I think he gets too cold. The kittens are playing. Lol The kittens are ALWAYS playing.

It is peaceful. If life were always like this I might be able to drown out the bad thoughts. All I can do is keep trying.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Completely and utterly heartbroken. I know now I could have been happy if things had gone differently, had I done things differently. But I can't fix any of it now. I'm destined to be miserable and in pain for many more years if I don't go.

 

[LunarLight]

Could be better, but could be definitely worse.
The new meds (amisulpride and mianserine) seem to be working.

 

[rozeske]

Getting impatient by the day at the wait to buy my ticket for the bus. The cold weather isn't making it any easier. Tired of fighting the recurring cold and flu on top of being actively suicidal. I guess it could be worse.

 

[angelx616]

I'm calm. For now, at least. So tired of BPD and the constant switching between what reality is and whether I can go on or not. Set on making sure it ends soon, even if I seem "stable" or "ok" rn. I just want to go to work and get money so I can sleep 4rvr.

 

[CatLvr]

I'm calm. For now, at least. So tired of BPD and the constant switching between what reality is and whether I can go on or not. Set on making sure it ends soon, even if I seem "stable" or "ok" rn. I just want to go to work and get money so I can sleep 4rvr.

Welcome to the forum. We are glad you are here. There is a lot to learn and plenty to read. If you have any questions, or just need to get something off your chest, we will be glad to help in any way we can.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

Daily anxiety and coping doses keeping me somewhat functioning. Intrusive thoughts, voices and sacred boredom. I'm on another limbo for a few weeks and hope my anxiety will dissolve on a good note or I'll feel bad for months on end again.

 

[FuneralCry]

Just wishing for non-existence as usual, I'm always so tired of suffering in this existence that caused me nothing but pain. No matter what I'll always see existence as so hopeless and torturous, all I feel is dread for what lies ahead, I wish I had the option to never wake again so that I can never suffer again in this deeply undesirable existence but of course such is tragically not an option so I continue to be trapped here.

 

[iwanttobeinpeace]

It's a 50/50. Wanting to live but also wanting to die. Mixed up emotions which I can't even comprehend myself as to why this is happening.