Venting born

[123monday123]

I wish I never was born because than I hadnt to kill myself.
Yesterday I almost caught the bus, but SI kicked in....
I am so disappointed of myself

 

[Redt2go]

I'm sorry :(

 

[123monday123]

When I am dead I never will be hurt again!

 

[JustAboutDone]

Hi @123monday123 it's so miserable to feel like this isn't it :-(. Did anything happen yesterday to make you feel worse or did it just feel like a good time to go? Xx

 

[123monday123]

@JustAboutDone I decided a few weeks ago to definitively ctb. The last few days I tried every single day to ctb but yesterday I was really close but SI kicked in. I will try again but use a different method. I tried to ctb due to GBL which is a very peaceful way to ctb but it tastes horrible and I had to puke. I which I had Fentanyl… :(
There wasnt anything that happened which made me decide this way. I just think its best for me and I simply cant stand the pain any longer. I really want it to end as soon as possible.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I'm so sorry :-( it's the worse feeling when you feel like you're ready to go and even that won't damn go right xx feels like everything is against you, doesn't it? Few things worse than being sick as well - just makes you feel even more grim. I really feel for you xxx

 

[123monday123]

@JustAboutDone Thank you very much <3

 

[JustAboutDone]

@JustAboutDone Thank you very much <3

Sending you a cuddle xxx you're not alone

 

[21Neberg]

SI certainly is a bitch. But be proud of yourself, nearly everyone fails their first attempt. At least you managed to gather the courage to try. Better luck next time, im sure you'll get further.

 

[suffering]

I can't do it neither. I am trapped. It took me months to recover from the shame of not being able to do it. I am now slowly trying to get back on track, because I am pretty sure I will have to live till old age or until some external situation kills me. I have concluded that there is no need to keep kicking myself in the head. This are the cards I am dealt with and crying over them will not make it better.
Maybe you will manage to have courage eventually. I, on the other hand, I am pretty sure I can't.

 

[123monday123]

I am not sure if I can do it but I dont want to live a life like mine either

 

[JustAboutDone]

I am not sure if I can do it but I dont want to live a life like mine either

That's the horrible thing - stuck between two unpleasant prospects, in a limbo land of bleak nothingness. Xxxx

 

[borntodie777]

For a moment there I thought this thread was made for me.. sigh

 

[TiredHorse]

@123monday123, @suffering, please don't beat yourselves up. Failing is utterly exhausting. There is nothing to be ashamed of or to feel bad about at all. I've never known anything that flattened me so badly as my failed attempts. If you possibly can, be gentle on yourself. Catch your breath. Allow yourself grow calm. A moment of rest will serve you well no matter which path you find yourself moving forward on.

 

[Deleted member 4993]

Many fail or falter at their first attempt, it's nothing to feel bad about. When your time is right it will be ok.