annxietty
“Is there no way out of the mind?”
- Mar 27, 2023
- 146
Thought about putting this on offtopic but in the last moment I changed my mind.
I dont remember what I liked when I was in my early childhood, my oldest memory is loving anime, without knowing what anime was, then when I was almost 12 I discovered books, a friend recommended me a book, one that I most likely wouldnt like now that Im this old (young adult book full of cliches lol) but remains one of my favorite books of all time because it was the first book that made realize just how amazing books and reading are, I think we cant forget that one book that makes us realize we are readers, we are loving books. I dont even remember how my friend convinced me to read the book, Its not like I hated reading before that but... its strange that I went along with it that easily.
I didnt grow up with people that loved reading like me, they made me feel guilty, and even now that I have my own money (not a lot lol) when I buy a book (which I try to buy from second hand, and I only buy books that I either love with all my heart and want to have them, or books I really want to read but my local library doesnt have available) they look at me like Im spending money in garbage, in stupid stuff.
Because feeling like shit made me unable to enjoy things I stopped reading, my family didnt care, didnt worry about it or anything... when I started reading again my sister told me immediately "dont come to me talking about books because I dont fucking care" obviously I never talk about books, with anyone really lol...
The reason for all this venting is because, I cant understand why I love books this much, I love walking into a library and touching the spines of the books, and seeing them displayed, my dream job right now is working in a library, I love holding books, feeling their weight, obviously I love smelling them, specially if they are old and the pages are turning yellow, books that have been read by all kinds of people before reaching me... Just now I was holding a book, not even one that Im loving specially, but before realizing I spent 20 mins feeling the book, smelling it, thinking "this is a beautiful book, a book that feels very nice in my hands, it opens so nicely, it smells nice, is heavy but not too heavy, what a nice work" then I realize, if I dont put this book down all these thoughts will become even more obsessive, I wont be able to think about anything else, I wont be able to read the book or any other book, I have to put it down...
Books are amazing, too amazing.
I dont remember what I liked when I was in my early childhood, my oldest memory is loving anime, without knowing what anime was, then when I was almost 12 I discovered books, a friend recommended me a book, one that I most likely wouldnt like now that Im this old (young adult book full of cliches lol) but remains one of my favorite books of all time because it was the first book that made realize just how amazing books and reading are, I think we cant forget that one book that makes us realize we are readers, we are loving books. I dont even remember how my friend convinced me to read the book, Its not like I hated reading before that but... its strange that I went along with it that easily.
I didnt grow up with people that loved reading like me, they made me feel guilty, and even now that I have my own money (not a lot lol) when I buy a book (which I try to buy from second hand, and I only buy books that I either love with all my heart and want to have them, or books I really want to read but my local library doesnt have available) they look at me like Im spending money in garbage, in stupid stuff.
Because feeling like shit made me unable to enjoy things I stopped reading, my family didnt care, didnt worry about it or anything... when I started reading again my sister told me immediately "dont come to me talking about books because I dont fucking care" obviously I never talk about books, with anyone really lol...
The reason for all this venting is because, I cant understand why I love books this much, I love walking into a library and touching the spines of the books, and seeing them displayed, my dream job right now is working in a library, I love holding books, feeling their weight, obviously I love smelling them, specially if they are old and the pages are turning yellow, books that have been read by all kinds of people before reaching me... Just now I was holding a book, not even one that Im loving specially, but before realizing I spent 20 mins feeling the book, smelling it, thinking "this is a beautiful book, a book that feels very nice in my hands, it opens so nicely, it smells nice, is heavy but not too heavy, what a nice work" then I realize, if I dont put this book down all these thoughts will become even more obsessive, I wont be able to think about anything else, I wont be able to read the book or any other book, I have to put it down...
Books are amazing, too amazing.
