
BigGimpin
Student
- Mar 24, 2022
- 127
I havent yet set up a "plan" to hop on the bus just yet, I do have my N from D but never set a date/time for it. My doctor may have forced my hand into action earlier than expected. For those that do not know, I am 52 and suffer from acute chronic pain from a Spinal Cord Injury. I have been in a wheelchair for 37 years. I put my body through a lot of abuse when I was younger, from jumping my wheelchair down flights of stairs to racing off road cars. I lived a full life until I hit my 30's and the pain started, here we are years later and the pain has taken me down a wicked road, from having a doctor force feeding my opiods to then trying to strip me of them. the roller coaster from hell!
So forwarding to present day, my body is shutting down, I have severe atrophy in my lower body and neuropathic pain that I can only describe it as imagine being lowered into a pool of hot lava and the flesh dripping from your bones, it is pure HELL and medications dont even touch it. I cant take it anymore, I am practically bed ridden, but even laying in bed HURTS!! So I cant lie in bed and get comfortable, and sitting up in my wheelchair only causes more PAIN.
I havent slept in 6 days, when I close my eyes bolts of lightning shoot down my legs..it is unbearable. I have taken a months supply of Oxy in just 5 days, pain medication no longer works. Got so frustrated last night about 11pm that I had doordash deliver me a 12 pack of beer, its 9am and im drinking the last one. I need to somehow get a little bit of sleep so I can figure out a game plan.
I wanted to start a thread earlier about physical pain vs Mental illness, but never got around it. My lame ass doctor keeps telling me that I need to see a psychiatrist to deal with my pain. No you DUMBASS my pain is 95% psycial! and its your job to sort these out. My brain is still sharp as a tack, its my body that is failing me.
To conclude, April 5th is coming up here real soon, my two favorite artists lost their lives on that date. Kurt Cobain and Layne Staley. I idolize them both! Especially Layne, and my best cat ever Tyvin had to be put down on this date. I never even thought about a date until now,, do I get my affairs together or just fucking spontaneously crack open both bottles of N and chug it?
Holy shit, didnt expect this to get TLDR. Sorry! I wont be bummed out if this gets only a few replies, just needed to get this out.
I love you all.
Here is my cat Ty, I miss him every day.
-Scottie
So forwarding to present day, my body is shutting down, I have severe atrophy in my lower body and neuropathic pain that I can only describe it as imagine being lowered into a pool of hot lava and the flesh dripping from your bones, it is pure HELL and medications dont even touch it. I cant take it anymore, I am practically bed ridden, but even laying in bed HURTS!! So I cant lie in bed and get comfortable, and sitting up in my wheelchair only causes more PAIN.
I havent slept in 6 days, when I close my eyes bolts of lightning shoot down my legs..it is unbearable. I have taken a months supply of Oxy in just 5 days, pain medication no longer works. Got so frustrated last night about 11pm that I had doordash deliver me a 12 pack of beer, its 9am and im drinking the last one. I need to somehow get a little bit of sleep so I can figure out a game plan.
I wanted to start a thread earlier about physical pain vs Mental illness, but never got around it. My lame ass doctor keeps telling me that I need to see a psychiatrist to deal with my pain. No you DUMBASS my pain is 95% psycial! and its your job to sort these out. My brain is still sharp as a tack, its my body that is failing me.
To conclude, April 5th is coming up here real soon, my two favorite artists lost their lives on that date. Kurt Cobain and Layne Staley. I idolize them both! Especially Layne, and my best cat ever Tyvin had to be put down on this date. I never even thought about a date until now,, do I get my affairs together or just fucking spontaneously crack open both bottles of N and chug it?
Holy shit, didnt expect this to get TLDR. Sorry! I wont be bummed out if this gets only a few replies, just needed to get this out.
I love you all.
Here is my cat Ty, I miss him every day.
-Scottie

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