Venting Ashamed of myself

[LostGirl]

I failed my sn attempt and feel so ashamed of myself. After a brief stay in hosp, I am back home and my family is watching me like a hawk. What shall I do? pls help.

 

[TiredHorse]

I'm so sorry things went awry! Please don't feel ashamed, though. Missing the bus is bad enough without adding that to it.

I don't know what I can say that would help, other than to sit tight, if you possibly can. Take some time to rest up, summon your strength, and let your family relax to where you have some freedom to act.

 

[Philip]

How did you fail?

 

[Dead_Inside]

I am so sorry..... I have two failed attempts myself. After my second attempt everyone found out ..... and now I am just that suicidal person. I wish I could give better advice but.... they are going to suspect you for a long time. I just learned to hide my BS better... and basically everyone started getting out of my life because I am crazy. So .... welcome to hell I guess : (

 

[LostGirl]

How did you fail?

I was found early by housekeeping despite putting up a DND sign.....

 

[Philip]

I was found early by housekeeping despite putting up a DND sign.....

I'm so sorry......was there any pain before you passed out? How did it taste?

 

[LostGirl]

I'm so sorry......was there any pain before you passed out? How did it taste?

Tasted like salt. I had a headache and a burning throat before I passed out. The pain was bearable.

 

[Philip]

Tasted like salt. I had a headache and a burning throat before I passed out. The pain was bearable.

Sorry for the questions, but this is how I want to ctb......how long was it till you passed out?

 

[littlelady774]

I was found early by housekeeping despite putting up a DND sign.....

I used to be a hotel housekeeper and we would always respect the DND signs..
Sorry about to hear that :(

 

[LostGirl]

Yeah this is something I have feared about hotels. They don't often respect those signs. I don't know if calling the front desk and making a point of not being disturbed would help. Otherwise timing when housekeeping comes and doing the deed immediately after so you have a full day before the next visit might work. But in any case you have one job right now...to rest and recover. If you DO have to ctb, its for another day...don't blame yourself.

I actually told the front desk that I did not want to be disturbed, they came in nonetheless.

Sorry for the questions, but this is how I want to ctb......how long was it till you passed out?

over an hour.

 

[Philip]

Oh wow......

 

[iHeartRockArt]

I'm so sorry you went through so much, but please don't feel bad or ashamed of yourself. I'm glad you felt you could come back here where there's no judgement and your welcomed with hugs and open arms. Try to rest and recoup, please and always be gentle with yourself in a situation like this. I know it's hard to have patience when you're so eager to ride the bus home. I wish you safety and peace, no matter what you choose. Big hugs and welcome back!

 

[Broken]

I failed my sn attempt and feel so ashamed of myself. After a brief stay in hosp, I am back home and my family is watching me like a hawk. What shall I do? pls help.

First of all don't feel ashamed. I think your incredibly brave

 

[LostGirl]

Well crap. Maybe a cheap motel or cabin or rented flat next time...something less serviced. Did it change how you feel about things at all? Some people decide after an attempt they aren't as keen to exit as they thought.

It hasn't changed anything, I am still eager to CTB asap but it's gonna be more difficult this time.

 

[Philip]

It hasn't changed anything, I am still eager to CTB asap but it's gonna be more difficult this time.

I'm sorry this time didn't work out......

 

[littlelady774]

First of all don't feel ashamed. I think your incredibly brave

That's right. It certainly takes a lot of guts to do this. Don't worry. You certainly have more balls than me- that's for sure

 

[LostGirl]

I understand and I am sorry for what you are going through. Patience is easier said than done...but you can get through this.

Thanks, my only method left is hanging.....

 

[Taylor]

You have nothing to be ashamed of, we have so much respect for you for having the courage to actually follow through with it, and you would have likely succeeded if you weren't discovered in time. That's something completely unpreventable, that you had nothing to do with, so it's entirely their fault and not yours. In the meantime, we have your back no matter what.

 

[littlelady774]

what shall I do? pls help.

Idk. If I were you, I'd try again in a more secluded place. Give your family the idea that you've changed your mind and they have nothing to worry about. When their guard is down and things have calmed, try again

 

[MexicanTravels]

I know the feeling of failing to CTB all too well. I have failed 4 separate times with different methods. Two of those times I was found too early. I don't know what country you're in but be careful. If you fail too often, the government can put you in a psych ward for an indefinite amount of time. Make your next attempt count if you choose to do so! Either way, I'm rooting for you!

 

[Hunter]

I'm sorry that your attempt didn't work out the way you wanted it to. I can only imagine the fall out that you must be dealing with in terms of your family. I hope that you can take the restriction and the possible judgment in stride. No matter what anybody has to say about suicide, your choice was not an easy one. You will always have our support here.

 

[OkTotti]

Sorry to hear LostGirl, but at least your back ... i was wondering if you had CTB since you have not been on this site for awhile.
What time did you drink the SN? And what time did the housekeeper enter your room the next day?

 

[LostGirl]

Sorry to hear LostGirl, but at least your back ... i was wondering if you had CTB since you have not been on this site for awhile.
What time did you drink the SN? And what time did the housekeeper enter your room the next day?

I drank it at around 0900 but don't know what time they came in. When i came around, it was already midnight and I was in ICU.

 

[Philip]

I drank it at around 0900 but don't know what time they came in. When i came around, it was already midnight and I was in ICU.

Did they say how close you were to death?

 

[LostGirl]

Did they say how close you were to death?

No, but they said I would have definitely died if I wasn't "rescued".

 

[Philip]

No, but they said I would have definitely died if I wasn't "rescued".

Breaks my heart you were so close to peace......at least I know the sn will work out cause I will be alone

 

[Philip]

No, but they said I would have definitely died if I wasn't "rescued".

How much did you take and how much water?

 

[LostGirl]

How much did you take and how much water?

20g in100ml water

 

[Philip]

20g in100ml water

Just tasted like salt water........did you down it in one gulp

 

[LostGirl]

Just tasted like salt water........did you down it in one gulp

yes, the taste is not too unpleasant at all. I drank it in 3-4 gulps.