Anyone else not give a shit about "how their loved ones would feel"?

[Saturn_]

Because why should I spare the feelings of people who treated me like shit my entire life? Why should I care about consoling the people who led me down a path of endless torment, with no light at the end of the tunnel? Why should I spare the people who crafted my circumstances and smothered me with them?

I am so tired. All the people in my life have beaten me over the head, emotionally and physically, over and over and over again. I held onto hope for as long as I possibly could, and each time, I was punished endlessly for feeling hope, and I suffered the worst pain imaginable for optimism.

So fine. Let me embrace hopelessness then. Let me be selfish, hateful, and unforgiving for once in my life. Suicide is all I have, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it to hurt anyone. I hope it haunts them all forever.

 

[gitgudgab]

Same thoughts. But that's what's stopping me too. Like I'm fucking annoyed at myself for thinking about what will happen to them. Why can't I just be selfish. Sucha bummer.

 

[Slipkorn]

On one hand, yes, I would hate to leave them all behind. On the other hand, both parents have attempted suicide, and both my siblings, sister was successful in a heroin OD.

So, it's complicated cause, they would all understand. But then again, some might try to follow. My baby brother has actively self harmed in the past, and I love him with all my heart and soul. Most siblings fight. We've never fought, not once. We've always been there for each other. We live in different states now, both have jobs, both just trying to survive. I know that fucker will snap if I leave, he's snapped many times before. I visit him every year, so even though we don't talk on a daily basis, cause we're both introverted as fuck, when I don't come back, he'll know somethings up, even if no one in the family informs him.

But when I'm gone, that's it. I won't be around to care anyways.

 

[derpyderpins]

Because why should I spare the feelings of people who treated me like shit my entire life? Why should I care about consoling the people who led me down a path of endless torment, with no light at the end of the tunnel? Why should I spare the people who crafted my circumstances and smothered me with them?

I am so tired. All the people in my life have beaten me over the head, emotionally and physically, over and over and over again. I held onto hope for as long as I possibly could, and each time, I was punished endlessly for feeling hope, and I suffered the worst pain imaginable for optimism.

So fine. Let me embrace hopelessness then. Let me be selfish, hateful, and unforgiving for once in my life. Suicide is all I have, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it to hurt anyone. I hope it haunts them all forever.

Sounds like those aren't your loved ones. I think that's the issue with the line of thought: just because you've spent a lot of time with people (and maybe they declare that they love you) does not make them YOUR Loved ones.

 

[Saturn_]

Sounds like those aren't your loved ones. I think that's the issue with the line of thought: just because you've spent a lot of time with people (and maybe they declare that they love you) does not make them YOUR Loved ones.

Then there really isn't anyone in my life who I love. The most I can say about my family is that my dad can be nice, and I can talk to him about anything, but he also has severely physically abused and neglected me in childhood, which will stick with me forever and has irreversibly shaped my psyche. I can appreciate his presence now, but I don't really think I love him. I have no unending warmth for anyone because they've all fucked me over.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't see why people are supposed to care about that in the first place, as it isn't like any of us consented to this existence, suicide is a personal decision and it's not about other people anyway.

I see nothing caring about deciding to procreate into this cruel, futile existence where there is no limit as to how much one can suffer even know there is no disadvantages to never existing at all, I never would have chosen to exist. I find comfort in death as then it means I won't be able to experience anything anymore, existence will no longer be my problem and concern.

 

[rozeske]

Most of them have contributed to my decision one way or the other and they all seem to somehow understand that. I just wouldn't wanna be them at that time is all.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I only care a little about how some would feel. But personal liberty is too important. Lives of suffering must be allowed to end. Life is supposed to be enjoyed, that's the most vital principle.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

If my son didn't have a dad whom I knew would take care of him then I wouldn't be able to do it. But he has and he will.
We all have our cross to bear. Let's face it, if your family wasn't grieving for you, there'd be some other shit they'd have to deal with. And if it's that bad for them, they could end their lives too.

 

[F@#$]

Because why should I spare the feelings of people who treated me like shit my entire life? Why should I care about consoling the people who led me down a path of endless torment, with no light at the end of the tunnel? Why should I spare the people who crafted my circumstances and smothered me with them?

I am so tired. All the people in my life have beaten me over the head, emotionally and physically, over and over and over again. I held onto hope for as long as I possibly could, and each time, I was punished endlessly for feeling hope, and I suffered the worst pain imaginable for optimism.

So fine. Let me embrace hopelessness then. Let me be selfish, hateful, and unforgiving for once in my life. Suicide is all I have, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it to hurt anyone. I hope it haunts them all forever.

Fuck yeah, sounds like me. Except I'm planning some really cruel and brutal revenge for the deserving and just setting things up to be hurtful and difficult when I go.

 

[Forever Sleep]

The sad part is, it likely doesn't hurt the ones who have caused us the most pain. I sort of doubt they care enough. Or- they'll manage to tell themselves a story where they are also a victim.

But, I don't blame you. So much emphasis is put on the impact it will have on those left behind. I wonder if the people saying that ever stop to think that some of those same people drove us to it in the first place!

 

[ThatGuyOverThere]

My parents didn't care about how bringing me into existence would make me feel, my birth was all about their Benefit. So why should I care about how my action done to benefit myself, should effect them, when the didn't have the same courtesy for me.

 

[evannave]

I feel a little guilty about how they will feel. But I'll be dead so it won't really matter, as selfish as it sounds. It's kinda like weighing pros and cons lol, and the pros greatly outweigh the cons.

 

[Unknown21]

Some of them I still care about, but this will not prevent me from doing what I want, because it is my life and the decision is up to me, but of course I will take into account that they will be affected by my death and I will do what I can to reduce their suffering.

 

[Skynights]

Because why should I spare the feelings of people who treated me like shit my entire life? Why should I care about consoling the people who led me down a path of endless torment, with no light at the end of the tunnel? Why should I spare the people who crafted my circumstances and smothered me with them?

I am so tired. All the people in my life have beaten me over the head, emotionally and physically, over and over and over again. I held onto hope for as long as I possibly could, and each time, I was punished endlessly for feeling hope, and I suffered the worst pain imaginable for optimism.

So fine. Let me embrace hopelessness then. Let me be selfish, hateful, and unforgiving for once in my life. Suicide is all I have, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it to hurt anyone. I hope it haunts them all forever.

Well I don't give a shit not because I was treated badly, but because I am the problem for my parents. I've done some heinous things and I am not a good person. I should die because I am the main cause of making problems to others rather non intentionally 99% of the time.

I think the biggest question I have is if I have done bad things, why wouldn't you give me the right to kill myself? Why when I threaten to kill myself when I know that I am main cause of problems I get a police case regarding me threatening suicide and not for the worse things I've done?

I think people around me are just not willing to accept that I deserve to die for some odd reason. It really baffles me.

 

[itsneverbeenmoreove]

I'm new here, and I feel like I get a lot out of threads like this. For me, my family and loved ones (for the most part) have been nothing but kind and supportive and have gone above and beyond what is reasonable to support me. And so I do have guilt. Even the parts of me that are like "I have been a massive burden for far too long" recognize that these people do truly care about me. But... the thing is, once you're dead, that doesn't matter. You cease to exist. There are no consequences because there is no you. There's no looking at how upset everyone else is, there's no knock on consequences. If you don't exist, those things don't exist. But the abstract knowledge of them is definitely difficult for me. I hope it doesn't seem, hmm, crass or insensitive for me to say that I almost wish that I was a little less fortunate so I wouldn't have that consideration at all.

 

[lovedread]

youre not alone. i dont think its selfish. its a natural response to them treating you like shit

 

[Eternal Sleep!]

Well I do care about how my loved ones feel if I'm dead, that is one of the reasons that keeps me alive. Imagining how the all burst in tears I just couldn't do it (yet).
Another reason is if I fail SN and turn in a vegetable, that scares the shit out of me!

 

[wristcutangel]

when it comes to family, the only thing i care for them to feel would be for them to be miserable. they actively caused me to reach this point. although i'm not sure if i'd call anyone in my family a loved one, i don't feel love for any of them.

when it comes to my friends, i doubt they'd even notice that i'm gone, so it hardly matters to me. i do care for them, but it's just fact that the feeling isn't reciprocated.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Me, I don't care about my loved ones would feel (though, when I say loved ones, I don't mean loved ones but rather family). In my case, it isn't necessarily that my parents are pieces of shit... they do have their flaws due to religion and asian culture but I believe that they tried their best to be good parents and I know I would be significantly worse off in life if my mum didn't take care for me during childhood. However, unfortunately for her, it was futile as I was simply not meant for existence to begin with. I am perfectly okay with killing myself despite this because, no matter how nice they have been, they are still the main reason why I'm alive to begin with and I refuse to let anybody stand in my way between me and permanent non existence. They could have prevented this if they didn't give birth to me so all I can say to them is... "you reap what you sow".

In your case though, your family doesn't sound like loved ones at all. Note that familial relations does not automatically equate to being loved ones

 

[ThisGameIsOverrated]

My loved ones didn't do anything wrong but I can't see myself living for 5+ more decades because of them.

 

[Havnis]

I actually care, but it's what it's, it's the cost of liberty, The only time I didn't care was in a meditation session, I didn't feel anything toward my mother back then, it was an amazing but scary feeling.

 

[lostmeaning]

Yup. The whole "suicide is selfish" thing is completely stupid to me. I wouldn't have felt suicidal all my childhood if I had a normal loving family. I am how I am largely due to my emotionally abusive family, where I was always the black sheep. So none of my siblings relate to how I was treated either and also disregard it, since they were treated complete opposite. Things have gotten better with my family currently (taken years to get there), but that dynamic still lingers, where I have to accept I will be treated unfairly often for no reason other than being me. And how long it's taken to get to this point I'm so behind on things I could've had done by now and have a normal life. And now that I have a chronic, so far incurable health condition my life is ruined anyways. I probably wouldn't have developed that if I had a supportive family either, since it may have been caused by stress when I was stuck in a situation with no support.

 

[Sarros]

Just one of the many consequences of suicide I find to be...inconsequential. All this prep and rumination is ultimately so that I will be successful in my suicide. To me, the consequences and fallout only exist if I fail, since, I will be alive to experience it.

Nothing following my death will or should affect the way I live or how i choose to die. Be it 100,000 years from now, or the day after. It's all the same to me if I'm not here for it.

Maybe that's sociopathic or evil, but that's really how I feel.

 

[AveMori]

Because why should I spare the feelings of people who treated me like shit my entire life? Why should I care about consoling the people who led me down a path of endless torment, with no light at the end of the tunnel? Why should I spare the people who crafted my circumstances and smothered me with them?

I am so tired. All the people in my life have beaten me over the head, emotionally and physically, over and over and over again. I held onto hope for as long as I possibly could, and each time, I was punished endlessly for feeling hope, and I suffered the worst pain imaginable for optimism.

So fine. Let me embrace hopelessness then. Let me be selfish, hateful, and unforgiving for once in my life. Suicide is all I have, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it to hurt anyone. I hope it haunts them all forever.

My family is giving me shit whenever I tell them I want to end it and tell me it would make them sad. What the fuck? If they really cared they would not have made my life a living hell. I hate them so much, they only want me alive to feel better about themselves.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I often feel this way too. My willingness to be so dismissive and selfish for people who supposedly care about me should be reason enough to consider that the world would be a better place without me in it.

 

[onbekend]

I used to care. Then I realized how fake everything is, I know that either way I'm gonna feel bad about it on behalf of my loved ones once I do decide to CTB anyway.