Discussion Anyone else feel most "rational" when thinking about CTB?

[demuic]

Many say that to think about CTB, have no will no live, etc, you have to be in an irrational/unstable mindset.

However, when I think about my inevitable CTB, I feel like that is a mindset that brings me more clarity and rationality then temporarily deceiving myself into having hope for a future.

Rather than a "depressed state" being the abnormality, it feels like that title belongs to "happiness" for how fleeting and "blinding" it can be.

Does this make sense to anyone?

 

[stygal]

Yes, definitely!
I also feel like a huge burden is lifted off my shoulders that now I finally have a date when I'll leave and don't have to succumb to societal pressures anymore.

 

[gayprince.exe]

Thinking about my CTB plan actually calms me down. If I can't sleep, I just go over it in my head and it helps me. Another thing is that for once, I have something to look forward to in my life.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

CTB in my case is rational. Chronic physical pain and permanent injury. My life won't be the same and I can't live like this.

 

[WornOutLife]

Suicidal people are the most rational individuals. Why? Because we wonder about the mysteries surrounding us such as the absurd and random act of existing itself.
We might be depressed but we do a lot of research about it. It's not just "Okay, I'm sad and I'm CTB", there's so much more and we can see it just by reading the users threads here on SS.
Gotta admitat that sometimes, I do envy normal people. It would be so nice to have that "chip" which makes them get up every day to work, have a family and sleep. Such a boring but carefree life!

 

[Deleted member 17949]

hell yeah, my thoughts about wanting to live seem outright delusional the more I think about them, as if I am magically just gonna change all my behavior and become a new person

 

[fionasparks39]

Many say that to think about CTB, have no will no live, etc, you have to be in an irrational/unstable mindset.

However, when I think about my inevitable CTB, I feel like that is a mindset that brings me more clarity and rationality then temporarily deceiving myself into having hope for a future.

Rather than a "depressed state" being the abnormality, it feels like that title belongs to "happiness" for how fleeting and "blinding" it can be.

Does this make sense to anyone?

i think it makes sense. it's pretty rational when you think about it. happiness is a temporary feeling, as well as sadness. they often alternate along with other emotions like anger and fear. when we ctb, yeah, we avoid the happy times, but we also avoid the negative emotions. it's like a sweet deal.

 

[StuFin]

I have in my own mind rationalised CTB because it removes all of the problems and suffering and future problems and suffering.

So assuming that life doesn't work out in the next few weeks or so, which it probably won't, then I am completely prepared to CTB with no worries at all, and no fear of doing it.

I have SN, will simply get some milk of magnesia to go with it and my paracetemol, will probably buy a pack of cigarettes, smoke most of them, take my paracetemol, drink my milk of magnesia, with a few cigarettes in between, then take the SN, have another cigarette, and then lie down and go to sleep forever.

It does not seem frightening to me at all, it actually is welcoming and I've had to talk myself out of it a few times.

 

[foxdie]

I get this. I try to approach ctb as rationally as I can. I don't rush myself and only consider methods that are possible and I'm comfortable with. If I could overcome my SI, I'd be gone. Grappling with my SI is maybe when I get most rational actually.

 

[StuFin]

I think the fear of what comes next is what causes SI, for me I'm sure nothing comes next, there is a level of nothingness we can't comprehend because to understand nothing we have to view it from a perspective of something (being alive).

So I have no SI, because I want to end this, and move to nothing, and when I get to nothing, there is literally nothing, no awareness or existence, just a permanent end to everything where there is no judgement, no pain, no suffering, no shame, no anything.

Hard to put into words, because i don't think there's a word other than nothingness that can explain it, but it doesn't explain it because we can only understand nothing in a 3 dimensional construct, whereas there will be a zero dimensional construct.

 

[jensrij7]

This. On the contrary what others think about suicide that it's rather impulsive.

 

[Henrietta789]

This, 100%. I find thinking about ctb calms me when I'm feeling panicked or overwhelmed...going over my plan and knowing that I CAN check out of this world if I want to, actually makes me feel less desperate during bad moments.

 

[Weary Soul]

Makes sense to me. I can't say that I feel rational every time, but when I am thinking clearly, it makes so much sense to me.

I have been abused horrifically throughout my life, and I do not see this changing without self isolation. And self isolation in and of itself can be a torture. Our genetics are such that we are "programmed" for social interaction and companionship, and without this, one can go insane.

So to answer your question, absolutely - I fight it (just because I think it is ingrained to fight it - SI is a good example of this), but ultimately, why live if it is going to result in more pain? And it will IME.

Thought provoking question, than you!

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, thinking about dying calms me down. When I try to engage in life I get stressed and frustrated, the fact is that I am not meant for this life, my brain is wired in a way that I find existing hard to cope with. I see death as the solution for all my problems and is the only way to make peace with myself. In the end death is inevitable, it is our only purpose as humans. When I think about ctb I see the world for what it really is.

I think wanting to ctb is an rational response to suffering, because as humans we can only cope with so much before we get overwhelmed and fall into despair.

 

[NormaJeane]

Not all people commit suicide because of mental problems, there are people who want to avoid years of meaningless physical suffering of chronic pain, disease or old age. And if we live long enough, all people will get lethal disease. One has to be rational to succeed in suicide and one has to have knowledge about how to do it. Most suicide attempts fail because the method was no suicide method - it was just something desperate. How many people have taken non-lethal tablets with alcohol and failed? I am going to be very rational about death and suicide. The difference between people who commit suicide and those who prefer to slowly suffer to death is that those who commit suicide have the courage to consciously choose death.