O
OutOfThisBody
Member
- Aug 5, 2024
- 57
So recently I've been feeling like the world is fake, some kind of elaborate dream I've made up for myself, or someone else made up for me. This feeling started getting stronger after I watched the movie I Saw The Tv Glow. The movie involved someone who at one point is urged by their friend to kill themselves to escape their fake reality, which is really a prison in their mind, in order to wake up in the real world as their real self. Watching this almost felt like a message to me, like my real reality reaching out to me stuck in an illusion to tell me that suicide is the answer and will let me escape this fake world and wake up in a real one.
Along with this, the world is set up in such a weird way that it seems it must be fake or a test of some kind. People spend all their time on things that are so little and simple that they're like child'splay. People's life's work is forgotten a year or two after they die. People also put alot of importance on their identity - gender, race, age, sexuality, class, ability, etc. - when it's really all temporary. You aren't white or poc, male or female or nonbinary, cishet or LGBTQ when you die. You're nothing. Those things are really just toys that fascinate the living, but have no importance once you are dead. Being dead is beyond that, it's more profound, it's beyond little human categories.
Along with this, every day I am reminded of the cruelty of the world and why I want to leave. For example, for one of my classes we are writing and illustrating childrens stories, and my idea was to write a story about a tween girl who is orphaned and joins a group of pirates. My teacher said it could be a good idea but to make sure the girl wouldn't be old enough to be sexualized because a girl that age surrounded by adult men would be dangerous and uncomfortable. It hit me in that moment that I don't want to live in this world, a world so evil and disgusting as this. How could a world set up this way be liveable? Where even childish fun is ruined? Where women are always in danger? Idk it might be a stupid reason to get upset but it just affirmed my drive to ctb.
If you've read my most popular post you would know I really hope we don't keep our physical bodies or identities once we die if there is an afterlife. This world full of inherent inequality, where women's bodies are worse than men's, where people have diseases, disabilties, and injuries, I pray will not be replicated in the afterlife. Lack of an afterlife might even be better than an afterlife, if an afterlife is full of the same inequality.
This turned into a bit of a ramble but has anyone had a similar experience or similar thought?
Thanks for reading.
Along with this, the world is set up in such a weird way that it seems it must be fake or a test of some kind. People spend all their time on things that are so little and simple that they're like child'splay. People's life's work is forgotten a year or two after they die. People also put alot of importance on their identity - gender, race, age, sexuality, class, ability, etc. - when it's really all temporary. You aren't white or poc, male or female or nonbinary, cishet or LGBTQ when you die. You're nothing. Those things are really just toys that fascinate the living, but have no importance once you are dead. Being dead is beyond that, it's more profound, it's beyond little human categories.
Along with this, every day I am reminded of the cruelty of the world and why I want to leave. For example, for one of my classes we are writing and illustrating childrens stories, and my idea was to write a story about a tween girl who is orphaned and joins a group of pirates. My teacher said it could be a good idea but to make sure the girl wouldn't be old enough to be sexualized because a girl that age surrounded by adult men would be dangerous and uncomfortable. It hit me in that moment that I don't want to live in this world, a world so evil and disgusting as this. How could a world set up this way be liveable? Where even childish fun is ruined? Where women are always in danger? Idk it might be a stupid reason to get upset but it just affirmed my drive to ctb.
If you've read my most popular post you would know I really hope we don't keep our physical bodies or identities once we die if there is an afterlife. This world full of inherent inequality, where women's bodies are worse than men's, where people have diseases, disabilties, and injuries, I pray will not be replicated in the afterlife. Lack of an afterlife might even be better than an afterlife, if an afterlife is full of the same inequality.
This turned into a bit of a ramble but has anyone had a similar experience or similar thought?
Thanks for reading.