FadingDawn
Experienced
- Jul 18, 2023
- 218
Anyone else just feel disappointment and miserable at the endless and interminable days which stretch away pointlessly through life. Just can't stand even the ordinary misery of life, and feel it is so hard just to get up. Honestly, I'm just thinking back on things I cared about; not only cared about in a passing, superficial way -- but ones I truly valued. Now, I can't even feel like doing those things, or bothering with them. Which is strange; considering if I really did care about them, it feels like I should still be trying... even though those things still basically live in the forefront of my mind. I know those things I loved and truly valued, and still do, with the same certainty I know I exist. I guess, with our age of modernity, of work taking up and consuming life, and with our ever-diminishing attention spans, and everything else, commitment to things which are truly valuable is ever more elusive and impossible. In a way, I gave up on trying to pursue those things I really wanted, which I felt were the raison d'etre for me, because I knew I could never do good enough to bother pursuing them, or bothering about them -- even those things still do obess me, in one way or another. In so far as my interests and loves and dreams extended, my capacities and capabilities did not; in so far as my capabilities and capacities extended, my ambitions and loves stopped short -- though that does not make me value those things the less. ANyway, this is all very poorly, roughly phrased, and it is very rambling and disordered. But whatever, just a little rant.