Discussion Anybody else had to deal with too many narcissists in life that made you want to kill yourself?

[Misery99]

I'm 27 years old and soon to be 28 years old. I had to deal with too many narcissists in my short life time. First was my mom. She was having extramarital sexual affairs with other men while my dad was not at home and it seriously f*cked up my mind because I was a kid and I saw and heard her having sex with those men. I had to keep my mom's sexual affairs as a secret from my dad because I didn't want my dad to use violence against mom. But my mom was/is an ungrateful bitch and never showed any remorse for her screwing around other men while her little daughter was aware about it. That childhood trauma never went away and I grew up to be a shy and insecure adult woman. My parents, specially my mom also took my freedom away and I wasn't even able to date anyone freely as I wished. I didn't even have my first kiss and sexual experience until I was 27. And found out later that it was a mistake because he was a narcissist and he enjoys having sex with hookers. He wants an open relationship where he can have sex with other women but I would not be allowed to even have a male friend. He said that he would marry me but I think that he wants to marry me to have me as a submissive wife and be able to lead the lifestyle he wants.

I met a guy from online dating before him and he was the one I wanted to kiss and possibly even have sex with. But my mom avoided it from happening because she didn't let me meet him. I was 24 years old then and I was and adult but my mom didn't let me do what I want. I wish that bitch wasn't my mom. I hate her so much.

But the guy I loved turned out to be a narcissist too because he was enjoying double crossing my mind. He would text me from other numbers and gave me hopes to meet me when he comes back to my country but he had no intentions to actually do it. He just enjoyed my attention. I think I'm an easy target of narcissists because I'm vulnerable. These people made me sick of my life and I don't want to live anymore to to deal with all these trauma and pain.

 

[Al Cappella]

Boy, can I ever relate to that. It was never as bad as you've had it (frankly, your story is just—I can't imagine how hard that must be for you), but I've had a tendency to run into my share of narcissistic, and narcissistic-like ppl. They're just not there, you can't ever reach them, all you can do is get the hell away. Even wishing they'd get horribly eaten by farm machinery doesn't help—because you know they just wouldn't get it. Ever. So ya, I feel for you.

 

[Chiisai]

I feel you.

 

[Misery99]

Boy, can I ever relate to that. It was never as bad as you've had it (frankly, your story is just—I can't imagine how hard that must be for you), but I've had a tendency to run into my share of narcissistic, and narcissistic-like ppl. They're just not there, you can't ever reach them, all you can do is get the hell away. Even wishing they'd get horribly eaten by farm machinery doesn't help—because you know they just wouldn't get it. Ever. So ya, I feel for you.

Yes I know. Those narcissists don't care about the harm they done to me. They have no empathy for me. It hurts like hell and I'm crying right now too I developed depression and anxiety disorder because of that trauma.

 

[Brianiskillingme]

A narcissist is WHY I want to kill myself, hence my user name.