Venting Anxiety over new job

[rs929]

I'm starting a new job in the next few weeks. I am a computer programmer. But I feel my brain has lost it's edge and sharpness. I don't know if it's my depression or my meds. I feel I'm not good enough for the job and they'll discover soon. I'm ultra sensitive to criticism so every time I get a complaint from my bosses I feel utterly useless. So I'm feeling super anxious and catastrophizing that I'll be fired or quit or that I'll never be able to find another job, and I can't think of anything else I can do besides computer programming. I picture myself going homeless and starving.

COVID has also put things hard on me because I have to work from my messy house instead of going to an office. I noticed that going to an office is hard but ultimately helps me with me depression. When I'm at home I'm always in a worse mood and tempted to go to bed.

Also I don't see the purpose or working 9-5 when I hate my life. I have to earn a life I don't even want

I'm sorry I just needed to vent

 

[issyishere]

Hey just pointing out that depression, stress, and anxiety has made me lose my focus and memory like insanely. I’ve heard some people say it takes weeks to go away if you get better. I feel like i’ve aged 80 years with how forgetful and unfocused I am. You’re not alone and we’re here for you.
It is possible I think to regain if you make a mental effort but it’s crazy hard when you’re stressed about losing your edge and that stress causes you to lose your edge :/

 

[KleinerWolf]

As a cook/someone who used to work as a cook,
Computer programming is a nice career you end up in.
Also the $ is superb.

As long as you have the technical know how, I reckon you’ll be alright.

im not sure how accurate it is for most occupations, but people say you always learn something new on the job anyway.

it’ll be important to look after your mental health.
Helps keep things at bay.

 

[Polly]

Hey, was just in the same spot a few months ago and finally hit ti the other side.

remember that when you are new you are expected to nit know things. Keep on asking questions even if they are the same ones over and over to show your interest and commitment.

wuth me it took a couple months and then one day I could start toser clearly.

it’s scary as hell but keep hanging out here fir support and you will get through and be una good place

 

[Life.Journey.Unknown]

I'm in a similar situation and I'm getting that nervous anxiety feeling. That self doubt and uncertainty.

When you say you can't think of any other job you can do besides computer programming - that sounds like computer programming is your main skill. It sounds as though you are really familiar with that job. Try to see the comfort that that can bring. Comfort in familiarity.

You also say that you feel your brain has lost it's edge. But there's a very good chance that when you're in your new job that you find your brain focussing better. Kind of like muscle memory.

As for complaints and criticism from the boss - yeah that would upset me too. But try to take it as constructive criticism. See it as a way of building your own resilience.

It's easier said than done. Anxiety and emotions suck at times!
I hope all goes well for you :)

 

[WornOutLife]

I really hate the 9-5 system that's why I chose to be a teacher and I walk as many hours as I want (no more than 20 a week lol)
Still, I understand what you mean about being mentally prepared. In my case, my brain didn't want to work anymore so I ended up becoming a NEET.

 

[s66]

I'm so jealous of people who do this. You will easily find another job in it. I was speaking to someone a while ago about all programming jobs being outsourced to India and it came up that there is too much work needed to be done to be able to outsource it all anyway. Also there's different cultures at different organisations with computer programming, I know certain cultures are known for being 'micromanaging' and 'discriminating' - all in all you know it's a fact it's them not you and better workplaces will exist.
I'm in a similar situation except unfortunately I'm not a programmer, I've got a new job but it involves moving and I'm unsure of it because of certain things. Spend a lot of time crying and being indecisive. In reality I could not go at all and wait for something better that might or might not come along, I could try it out for a month and then quit, I could stick it out for 6 months + and go on to the better jobs anyway. Whatever happens it all works out anyway, it's all the stupid mind chattering on all the time, constantly. I am so sick of it too.

 

[awfullife]

Hey OP I'm sorry about your situation. At least you got the job. That's huge!

I know exactly how you feel. I had this same loss of cognition / confidence after my divorce and I'm not sure its even still there...It's been so long.

I also understand how you feel about working remotely to earn money for a life you don't want. I live in a truck 5 nights a week for the same shit.

I don't know. I'm considering an ayahuasca ceremony, mushrooms, or even more traditional antidepressants before I CTB.

Good luck OP. thinking about you now :)