1 in 400 trillion

[eternalmelancholy]

Is the probability of being born. It is unbelievable that we all won this shitty lottery called life.

Maybe once or twice a month I have a complete mental breakdown over my own existence. It ruins my entire day. I am running out of excuses to stay alive. Even the tried and true ones like 'maybe things will get better' or 'I can kill myself at anytime' isn't helping me escape reality like it usually does.

I think I am close to the point where my despair is starting to outweigh my SI. I hope in the coming weeks the scales will finally tip over.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes, existing is so weird!
How on Earth was I able to kick the as*ses of so many spermatozoons? Did I feel like living so much? lol

 

[poisonedminds]

Yes, existing is so weird!
How on Earth was I able to kick the as*ses of so many spermatozoons? Did I feel like living so much? lol

Maybe the 400 trillion other ones were all even more suicidal lol

 

[motel rooms]

Is the probability of being born. It is unbelievable that we all won this shitty lottery called life.

Guess it's the only lottery where all the losers win

 

[Hurt]

Yes, existing is so weird!
How on Earth was I able to kick the as*ses of so many spermatozoons? Did I feel like living so much? lol

It surprises me that I won that race. The only "success" in my "life".

 

[Life_and_Death]

Is the probability of being born

this just made me realize all the different lives that could have happened based off slightly different genetic possibilities.

 

[signifying nothing]

Not sure how useful it is to think about things like this, particularly if you're already struggling with existence as it is. Unless you're actively trying to find ways of pushing yourself over the edge...

 

[Bullit]

Maybe the 400 trillion other ones were all even more suicidal lol

Some of them probably didn't even bother to make the trip!
"Ill just stay here in the balls..."

 

[Hurt]

The lucky ones are those sperms who couldn't make it. I feel unlucky for being in this awful world.

 

[ConfusedAndWeird]

Eh, if it wasn't me, it'd have been someone else born in the exact same place and time as me who was also suicidal. Part of me is glad that my existing prevented them from having to suffer in my place, so there is that. I'd rather my mom never conceived in the first place tho.

 

[ClownMe]

The worst lottery to win.

 

[Wrennie]

I hate the fact that my parents' orgasmic pleasure is ultimately what would lead to my unbearable suffering.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

this just made me realize all the different lives that could have happened based off slightly different genetic possibilities.

If just one of the trillions of factors were slightly off I wouldn't be here right now. It just boggles the mind to think to about.

Not sure how useful it is to think about things like this, particularly if you're already struggling with existence as it is. Unless you're actively trying to find ways of pushing yourself over the edge...

Maybe I finally hit the tipping point and my subconscious is implanting thoughts to defeat my SI instead of encouraging it. I guess I will find out by end of summer which side will win out.

I hate the fact that my parents' orgasmic pleasure is ultimately what would lead to my unbearable suffering.

This makes it sound like we were cosmically raped into existence. Which I agree with on many different levels. Pardon my foul language.

 

[Wrennie]

If just one of the trillions of factors were slightly off I wouldn't be here right now. It just boggles the mind to think to about.



Maybe I finally hit the tipping point and my subconscious is implanting thoughts to defeat my SI instead of encouraging it. I guess I will find out by end of summer which side will win out.



This makes it sound like we were cosmically raped into existence. Which I agree with on many different levels. Pardon my foul language.

"Cosmic rape" is the best descriptor of existence that I've encountered so far

 

[the_final_countdown]

If it's any consolation, we will all eventually die.

eventually the pain stops.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

If it's any consolation, we will all eventually die.

eventually the pain stops.

Thank christ for that. Whenever I see those pro life videos about people living past 90+ years old I become nauseous. They pretend how this person is 'healthy' yet they look extremely feeble physically and dull mentally.

Just kill me now and throw my body in the trash.

 

[Hurt]

If it's any consolation, we will all eventually die.

eventually the pain stops.

Hopefully. And there are scientists who want to look for inmortality... I love the fact that I am mortal and I can end this

 

[FuneralCry]

It sucks. Nobody chose to exist and we are here on this earth due to other people's selfish desires. It's hard to escape as we lack the right to die peacefully and it is hard to take our own lives. If my parents never met then all of this could have been stopped. It's surreal to think that. Life is just so pointless.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Hopefully. And there are scientists who want to look for inmortality... I love the fact that I am mortal and I can end this

People already start to fall apart physically and mentally by middle age. It sounds like pure torture to live to 100+ and beyond. Human bodies are squishy and weak. Aging is one of the biggest fears I have and it is unavoidable.

It sucks. Nobody chose to exist and we are here on this earth due to other people's selfish desires. It's hard to escape as we lack the right to die peacefully and it is hard to take our own lives. If my parents never met then all of this could have been stopped. It's surreal to think that. Life is just so pointless.

My parents had me to fix their shitty marriage. Of course that never works out. I guess in the end they did bond together over abusing the hell out of me for 17 years.